The Frog and the Scorpion

Frog and Scorpion
(The tango version, by Mark Word)


The great forest milonga was about to begin....

While Frog was sitting on the bank of a river, he was approached by Scorpion. Just as Frog was about to flee, Scorpion called out in her alluring voice, "Wait! Please, Frog, carry me across the river on your back! I have no other way to the milonga tonight!"

Frog, shocked by such an outlandish request, replies, "Why should I carry you across the river? You would most certainly sting me with your intoxicating tail and mark up my back with your stilettos. My tango partner would certainly kill me when she sees me intoxicated and scratches on my back!"

Sensual Scorpion says, "You are right about that; it is my nature to sting and leave my stigmata. So true, Frog. Can’t argue with that."

However, having been duely warned by Scorpion herself that it was her nature to sting and leave her marks, Frog assessed her as a kind-hearted -- although dangerous --creature.

So Frog fearing both the wrath of his partner and the danger of Scorpion says, "Then take off your tango shoes and pull off the end of your tail, for you will grow another.  Then I will assist you on your quest to go to the milonga."

Scorpion, knowing her own nature, agreed with this logic, and without delay complied with Frog's request.

Frog took Scorpion to the other side of the river and they parted friends.

Frog returned to his warm rock, and sat there staring at the end of Scorpion's tail as he waited for his partner to arrive.

Shortly thereafter, the Frog's tanguera returned, and said, "My God, I leave you for just an hour, and you already have been off getting a little tail from a hot, stiletto-clad scorpion.  Men!"

Morale of the story (alternative 1): Things start going bad when you ask a woman to take off her tango shoes.

Morale of the story (alternative 2):  First the tail.  Then dance with her until she takes off her own shoes on her own volition.

The original story goes like this:

"A frog was sitting on the bank of a river when he was approached by a scorpion. Just as the frog was about to flee, the scorpion called out, "Wait! Please carry me across the river on your back! I have no other way home!"

The frog, shocked by such an outlandish request, replied, "Why should I carry you across the river? You would most certainly sting me, and I'd die!"

The scorpion replied thoughtfully and logically, "If I stung you, then we would both die. Why would I want that? So please, will you carry me across the river?"

The frog thought about it and agreed that the scorpion's logic was sound. He allowed the scorpion to climb on to his back and began to swim across the river.

Half way across the river the scorpion stung the frog. The frog exclaimed as they both began to sink, "Why? Why did you sting me? Now we'll both drown!"

The scorpion replied only, "I'm a scorpion. It is my nature."

Tango's Ten Commandments: If Moses had been in Argentina for 40 Years

Tango's Ten Commandments:
If Moses had been in Argentina for 40 Years

Moses was lost for 40 years on the Sinai peninsula.  If you look at the Sinai Peninsula and compare it with the shape of South America, you will see two similar land masses.  Now, notice that Mount Sinai is approximately in the same place as Buenos Aires when comparing the similarly shaped land mass.  Hmmm.  Maybe God is trying to tell us something.  What if Moses had been lost in Argentina for 40 years?  He may have come down from Mount Sinai with different rules.  I was just trying to imagine what he might say.
Maybe something like this:

Thou shalt not have any partner before you other than the one in front of you.

 Thou shalt not idolize tango shoes in pictures.  Just buy them.

Thou shalt not use the name of tango in vain by using the adjective "ballroom" in front of it.

Remember Sabado because there is always a milonga on that day.  Definitely do not work on that day!

Honor the father of tango -- all the immigrants who brought their part to tango, and the mother of tango, Argentina, whose 'womb' brought to us this most incredible dance.  (In other words, know your traditions before you try to change them.)

Thou shalt not murder your feet today because you should be dancing all the way through life.

Thou shalt enjoy thy vertical expression of a horizontal desire until the end of the tanda.  BUT THEN take your true partner home with you at the end of the night.

Thou shalt not steal all the room on the dance floor, showing off your newly purchased volcada.  (The Path to heaven and the lanes on the dance floor are both narrow.)

Thou shalt not bear false witness against another dancer because you were once a beginner too.

Thou shalt not covet the partner of another -- especially when dancing with the one you are with!

Shalom!

Note:  I have climbed to the top of the Holy Mountain in the Sinai, when I was in Egypt on a peace keeping mission in the Multi-National Forces & Observers.  The most amazing thing about this holy place was the stillness.  Almost weird.  An Orthodox monk also described this feeling I experienced after I had descended down to the monastery there.  Also, I was amazed that it was not the tallest mountain.  Just a mountain.  My whimsical ideas above are made in full respect to laws that have guided many people to be closer with their God.  May your next milonga find the same stillness and wonder even if you end up dancing with someone not as tall as you thought they would be.

The Tango-Effect in Therapy

When I started dancing tango, I had no idea about its power.  I have made progress in understanding its power because it has revolutionized my therapeutic practice working with Post Traumatic Stress patients at Fort Hood.

Tango is more than a dance.  It has the power to change a soul.  If you are reading this blog, you probably already know this to be true.

I have many examples, but I will just tell you the latest profound discovery about tango and how it has led me to new frontiers with psychotherapy.  I recently had been dreaming a lot while on vacation. I would wake up and know that I was dreaming intensely. Yet, I couldn't remember what it was that I had dreamt.  The "Tango Effect" has changed this.  I now have access to my dreams in a way I have never experienced before.  But before telling you the method of dream recovery, I must explain how tango revealed important clues that touch my soul.

About seven days ago, I started doing conscious eye movements one morning and my dreams came back without dream recovery being my goal. I was actually just physically trying out a different kind of eye movement that I had learned from the tango walk.

The therapeutic use of eye movements for trauma victims is called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy.  In EMDR the eye movement is just back and forth but I was trying the infinity sign instead of merely going side to side. In a graceful tango walk there is a figure that happens on the floor, with the hands, shoulders, chest, pelvis, knees, legs and feet that forms an eight or infinity sign. In Spanish (and tango) this is called the "ocho."  

In June of last year, I started discovering what a once-sculptor-now-tanguero (Murat Erdemsel) once briefly mentioned in a private lesson about making this very subtle "ocho" with the chest as one walks. I understood what he meant but never really FELT what he meant until months later when I was out on a long walk and I was just trying to walk with the grace of a tanguero. Walking with this ocho in my shoulders, chest and hands felt so powerful, that I woke up early for a month just to experience it, and now I practice it each day, not as a dance but for what it does to my mind and how I feel.  I have run 14 marathons and I could immediately identify that I was running more efficiently too.

After only one lesson with this sculptor-tanguero, more than a few women noticed -- even more than I -- a huge change in the way I dance.  Infinity has power.

Back in June I did not know about the other ochos (infinity signs) that were simultaneously happening during a tango walk. Each time after I found yet another ocho, I was amazed that I had never noticed it before.  It is "obvious." I am sure that others have seen these simultaneous ochos, but I have never heard anyone talk about them. I discovered that beyond the chest, the hips are doing ochos and the hands are making ochos.

Three weeks ago, I discovered that the right and left legs are forming one ocho if we collect fully and walk (as milongueros do) as if on an invisible tightrope.  Plus, each leg is making its own eight.  Walking down the street the day I left Germany two days ago, I discovered yet another ocho in each shoulder which is tracing the same ocho being made with the leg below it.  As with other times I scolded myself, "Why didn't you ever see that before!"  These ochos and infinity signs are very small, but I practice them very big when I am walking by myself. So here is the the list for a graceful tango walk:

• The chest = infinity sign (IS)
• The pelvis = IS
• The hands = IS if held up as if with a partner.
• Each entire leg (including the knee and foot) = 8 x 2 legs
• The feet together tracing on the floor = 8
• Shoulders tracing the same path of the corresponding leg = 8 x 2 shoulders

There are probably more, but is it not interesting that when these are all added up there are eight?  This last eight is something I just discovered as I wrote the above list.  The Babylonian creation myth is the first known 7-day creation.  Of course seven to the Babylonians was a sacred number.  The Hebrews followed and had a 7-day creation story.  The New Testament mentions the number seven more than any other number.  Other religions have given the number 9 sacred significance.  But our bodies in movement are saying:  "Eight is the way of grace."

These discoveries have had a huge impact on not just my dancing but my life.   As I said, I feel so much better when I practice this graceful walk (usually on a deserted country road).  But I think that there is something essentially human, even spiritual, about finding out how to be more in my body and graceful. 

Is the Universe trying to tell us something, but we are are just not seeing the obvious?  Is it just a coincidence that somehow the most mysterious mathematical symbol, the infinity sign, manifests itself 8 times in graceful walking?   Is it a coincidence that the practice of graceful walking has such a regenerating feeling for me when I practice it alone and in my dance?

So, paying attention to these discoveries, I have applied the best tool I have to help soldiers with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  This treatment tool I have mentioned above is called Eye Movement Desensitization  and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR).  I have yet to try the infinity sign with EMDR with PTSD patients (which is usually just eye movements back and forth), but I have now found out from another therapist colleague just four days ago, that many EMDR therapists do use the infinity sign.  My colleague uses it every time she uses EMDR.

The Application of Tango-EMDR
During my vacation in Germany, I was dreaming more than usual.  But I could not remember the dreams.  Using the infinity sign for my own eye movements has in every case allowed me to  remember my dreams for the last week. So far every morning I have been able to remember parts and sometimes huge sequences of dreams.

The most interesting recovered dream allowed me to experience what it is like to love, but not respect or like, one's mother.  So many people on this planet have this experience.  In my dream I saw my mother living in a trailer, smoking a cigarette, watching some mindless TV program and I was massaging her feet as she was sick. I loved her, but I didn't like her. This version of my mother was the opposite of my real-life mother. I had very few moments when I did  not respect my mother. I liked her and loved her. There were brief moments, like any relationship, in which I was angry with her, but they were amazingly brief. Nanoseconds?  Somehow I knew that the purpose of the dream is that I would develop empathy for others. This is just as important in my professional life as in my personal life -- especially as a father.

Empathy for my children cannot give me the power to bestow the treasure that I have with my parents, whom I respect and love. I can only give this treasure through my love for my boys and being a person they can respect.  But now I have walked in the path that many children must travel -- although it has only been in a dream.  My dream recovery has re-energized me to do all I can to be physically and spiritually closer to my own children.

There are more experiences I have to tell you about the Tango-Effect in therapy.  But for now, I will close with a request:  Please start walking with grace.  Feel its power!  Perhaps St. Paul was right in a way did not even intend when he proclaimed:  "By grace you are saved."

A Christmas Story for Tangueros and Other People

Tango Uniform:
A Christmas Story

The hardest thing for me to be deployed was not getting shot at. Having near-miss IED explosions that dazed me were bad too, but the hardest thing was to be away from my fiancé. I wanted to believe that she was being faithful, but there were so many stories of women cheating on their men. “Jennifer was different,” I would tell myself. “She has true class and culture. She wouldn’t do that.” But over and over we would hear about affairs that were being firmly denied, and the facts came in that were undeniable. We even had access at S-2 to use satellites to go look at our homes. We could see the pick up trucks parked out in front of our homes, and later the denials over the phone. Soldiers went home for two weeks of leave, and they had their stories too. Infidelity was our obsession.

“Tango Uniform” (meaning simply in radio language “T.U.”) had a meaning in the military for something that was knocked down and not able to get back up. Over the radio, we would hear that a vehicle had broken down and was irreparable. “Call out the wrecker, it’s Tango Uniform.” In reality “Tango Uniform” meant in the rough rider language of the military “tits up” (that is, flat on your back). But we started talking about our relationships being irreparable too because of infidelity. The first sergeant even said at chow, “My marriage is Tango Uniform. The rear detachment commander checked it out for me. My kids even know the guy, and he’s sleeping in my bed.” He didn’t want to go back because he was afraid he’d kill them both, leaving his children without parents – one dead and one in prison.

Before I left for Iraq, Jennifer and I had taken some dance classes and we loved it. First we loved salsa the most. But then we discovered Argentine tango. Jennifer has been sending me videos of “tangueros” dancing, and I even practiced by myself whenever I had a moment by myself. We danced open enough so we could see our foot work, but the videos showed dancers very close and doing amazing things with their feet. I loved to watch, but again, the atmosphere of distrust made it very hard for me not to feel jealous and wonder if some sultry tanguero was slipping off with her after a dance. I wondered if she were Tango Uniform with him in bed and that our engagement also might be Tango Uniform.

Sure, we had talked about fidelity. But she always reassured me about being true. She affirmed her maturity, her own self-worth and of course, our love. Well, a lot of women were saying this, and they were off doing the wild thing. But one thing she said really made me believe her. She said, “Jason, you know, if a lot of these women had a way of getting their need for touch met, then they might find it easier to be faithful. Tango allows people to get an important need met—the need to be touched. And if they had any sense of culture and self-discipline they would feel no need to go beyond that.” That sounded genuine. I also was able to dance a few times and feel what Jennifer was talking about. There was dancing at a large FOB not far from our sector in Bagdad, and they had salsa dancing there. I found myself feeling so much better after that dance, and even more committed to Jennifer.

After I came back from a mission with my platoon, the commander was standing there, and I thought there was bad news. We fear last minute tragedies in theater or back at home at the last minute before returning. We were supposed to come home on the 10th of January, and we didn’t have much time left in country. But the commander had good news. “You’re going back early, LT,” he told me. He tasked me to return with the forward party to help prepare for return of soldiers. The lieutenant who was supposed to have that job was MEDEVAC’d after an IED blew up his truck. No one died but everyone in it was already on their way to Landstuhl Medical Center in Germany.

My emotions were properly dampened as the commander told me. I would be home for Christmas. I held back a repressed “Yeah!” But I also felt like a traitor to my unit, getting to go back early. I felt humiliated telling the soldiers under me, and all the while I was so happy to be leaving that hell hole. I was totally conflicted in my feelings, but like it, love it or hate it, I was going back in time for Christmas.

I had paradoxical feelings especially about seeing Jennifer. What would I find? I knew that everything would be okay, but I had these great fears in my gut too. When I arrived I had to go through lots of briefings and medical screens like everyone else. But on Christmas Eve, thank God, I was free. I knew where Jennifer would be from our conversations, at a Christmas Eve tango party. So I put on my dress blue uniform – the only thing I had at my locker at work. I drove down to the university ball room, where it was being held. I put on a big overcoat so as not to cause a scene when people saw me in uniform at the dance.

It took a while for me to spot Jennifer. She was dancing with a handsome man, and I felt my face turning red. I stood in the back, and no one seemed to even notice me. I realized that I was spying. I felt so jealous because they were chest to chest, and he danced so well. She looked so satisfied in his arms. I had a feeling of great sadness at first: Like a little boy who was watching his best friend run off with someone else. Then I fought back the rage and jealousy. When that song ended, people were leaving the dance floor and she was coming my way. My stomach twisted and my hands were sweaty. An older gentleman stopped her with a nod of his head. Another song started and they danced. She had not recognized me. The man was old enough to be her father. Wow, he was good. He made the younger man look like a klutz. Jennifer and he looked as if the music controlled them, forcing them to dance so wonderfully. Jennifer looked like she was in heaven, and I realized that it was the music, the touch, the moment that was filling her soul. I felt this … this … huge well-spring of emotion, of love, of trust.

As if I did not even choose to, I felt my overcoat fall to the floor around my feet. People were leaving the dance floor, and someone said, “Jennifer! My God, he’s back!” She was pointing with one hand and the other was over her mouth, realizing how loud she had said it. The room went dead silent. Everyone started clapping, and Jennifer came running to me, with a crowd behind her. She melted into my arms. She was crying. Others stood by and gave me hugs like I was their long lost friend. “Thank God you’re back. Jennifer has told us so much about you; it’s as if we have known you forever,” an older dancer told, holding onto my hand like my mother would.

This is the tango community: A bunch of people who touch each other as if this were what human beings do best.

The music started again, and she led me out onto the floor. I felt so self-conscious at first. It was like a wedding dance and we were the only ones on the floor. I just tried to do what I had seen the older man doing, listening to the music and letting the music move my feet. I danced simply, but it felt like I was on a level that I had never had experienced. It was the embrace, Jennifer melting into my soul.

My engagement and my love for her were all saved from my worries of catastrophe and hurt at that moment. Tango Uniform? That is now what Jennifer still calls my dress blues.  I am reluctant to tell her what "Tango Uniform" really means.

Christmas 2009
Mark Word

If there were only One Dance…

I traveled to a high mountain,
To meditate on the question,
“If there were only once dance,
What dance would it be?”
The answer did not come so easily.
I suffered a thirsty heat,
A sweating downpour,
A confused fog,
But then the answer came:

The dancer who hears the One Music,
Has only one dance.
The One Dance cannot be led
Because the music leads it.
The true dancer
Knows no time outside of Music;
Knows no life outside of Dance;
Knows no created thing
Outside of a unique way of movement.

Even the clouds dance out their message;
Trees sway to the music of the wind;
The choreography of birds
On the backdrop of the heavens show this.
Mustangs, too, dance free on the Great Basin.

As I pondered these thoughts,
I heard a beckoning sound of a bandoneon
Playing a tango ballad, as if were from a village below me.
The music so moved me that I danced alone.
I heard a primal, ancient beat,
And I recognized the clave-pulse holding all music together –
The heartbeat that still flows in the blood of Africa.
That day I glimpsed that
Indeed, time itself is Music,
And Music has no life, no meaning
Unless you and I are dancing together
The One Dance.

One day the whole planet will join us.


Mark Word
Salado, Texas

The Tanguero’s Beatitudes

Okay, you were wondering why I call myself the Unknown Tango Theologian, and so today I am being a bit more overt. As a joke, I once called myself the “Unknown Tango Theologian” at work with some friends. I would write things each morning, such as, “Hells Angels and Heaven’s Angels ride motorcycles. The difference is that Heaven’s Angels never run out of gas.” My colleagues started wanting more tango theology.

But that was just a joke. It hasn’t been a joke at all how tango has given me some great insights that have helped me spiritually and as a therapist, helping souls ripped apart by war. Tango has changing the way I help soldiers with PTSD. I called it the “tango effect” which took me out of the role of being the “leader” in my office and started watching for the tango effect to change both my client and my own life.  I discovered on the dance floor that music, the moment, the woman could lead me to some new inspiration.  And she would say, you led that so nicely.  But in reality, the "tango effect" was leading us both down a wonderful path of discovery.  I started seeing that everywhere, especially with soldiers in my office.
Anyway, some don’t like Tango Theology, and I am hiding from hard-line Druids, Christians, Muslims, etc., who wish to ruin my dancing by killing me. So if you know my real name, please don’t tell anyone at your local institution of religion. Don’t forget the adjective “unknown,” okay?

There are some sacred things that we can dumb down by making fun. But the following “remake” on the Beatitudes is only a fun-loving application of the profundity of the true beatitudes.

The Tanguero’s Beatitudes
Blessed are the poor in fancy steps,
for they will inherit the joy of tango.

Blessed are the tangueros who mourn,
for their tango melancholy shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for their cabeceos shall possess more tandas.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice of righteous floorcraft,
for they shall be satisfied with a perfect milonga.

Blessed are the merciful on the dance floor,
for they will limit the amount of ochos they do in a row.

Blessed are the pure and centered heart,
for they shall stay centered on their partner’s heart.

Blessed are the peace making tangueros,
avoiding collisions on the milonga dance floor,
for they will be called true “milongueros.”

Blessed be those with persecuted feet,
for so persecuted the tangueras of yore their feet.

When “Simple” is Complex

At the Fandango Tango Festival I learned how to answer a good question: “For whom are you dancing?” The great show of esteemed tango dancers was worth more than a few standing ovations. But I would have preferred to have that time to dance. The show was for others, but what I now understand of tango, the dance is for you and your partner. Chan (from ZenTango) calls it a walking meditation for two. Simple grace is not easy.

If I am dancing just for my partner, then I want to close the gap between the two of us. With the close embrace I discover a third element is more present – the music. This is very helpful if the woman has been rude about how we got on the floor or if she is very talented and I feel intimidated. I then dance ONLY for the music and the musicians. But 99% of the time, WE are dancing to the music. With the 1% woman, I end up dancing not only for the music but with her without performance issues.

I like close embrace because I find the way women look to be very distracting. I never get that close to a woman unless she is a lover. Paradoxically, when I get very close and embrace her like one would embrace a friend at the airport, I now can focus on the music, the beauty of human touch, the joy of movement.

The close embrace may look “simple” to even other dancers, but it is in fact a very complex thing – dancing for just one (plus the music). The experts who can dance both open are closed will tell you that closed is more difficult, but even many advanced dancers see open embrace as more difficult. Isn’t it interesting that even some advanced open-embrace dancers would be fooled by this perception of close embrace as being easier?

Let me use an analogue as a musician. When I played in show groups, I would flip my sticks in the air. Even the well-rounded jazz listener might assume that the drummer who can flip his sticks in the air is the better drummer. Chances are that the drummer who doesn’t flip his sticks is better. In most musical situations I would never flip my sticks. When I did, I got all these compliments from people who just didn’t know. They were fooled by the showy style.

Show-off moves may look cool, but the are a step farther away from your partner because whoever is watching has now entered into the equation. Any trained instructor knows that they can show you a step very quickly in open, but it is not so easy to now do it milonguero style. (Let's say, an ocho caminando or sandwicho is fairly simple -- but not easy in close embrace.)

Back to what I learned at the festival: Magdalena from Slovakia said, “I wished we had danced earlier in the festival!”

I said, “But I danced by you many times as you were sitting there with your turquoise shoes on.”

She replied, “Yeah, but you cannot tell if someone is truly a good dancer by just the way it looks.”

That was one of the best compliments I have ever had. When I was dancing just for her, it was wonderful. From a outside observer’s perspective, it appeared that what I was doing was simple. That’s perfect. And that is what I want. And Magdalena? Wonderful. She danced just for me.

I do believe in lessons/coaching/group lessons, BUT!!! “Thank you, oh great tango dance instructors from around the world, but I don’t have the time or money to learn acrobatics and dangerous moves for the social dance floor in my community. That’s a $3K volcada you got there, señor. Can’t afford that. Have a $50 embrace? Thank you, I’ll work on that for the rest of my life.”