The female ego in tango

Two Egos:  One tango

Preface:
As a general rule, I find women to be leaders in many things in society and my life.  They are remarkable creatures on this planet.  I adore my mother's spirituality and I was the most adoring brother a sister could ever have.  So please understand, I am not a misogynist.  However, I am all too aware as a therapist and in my private life of the female egotist and how she sometimes goes undetected because of so many great women around her.

The female ego
That is an interesting trio of words: "the female ego." One rarely hears those words together. The usual three words that one hears is "the male ego."

Surely anyone with human experience must be aware that women have egos too -- some female egos are just as hyperactive as any man's ego. In fact, no one gender or race or nation seems to have any special patent on ego or being egotistical.

The problem now, is that men are often the most active apologists for the female ego in ways that women were never so actively supportive of the male ego. This phenomenon in the world of tango works itself out in such ways as having a male teacher that is dismissive of the men and the male role in ways that even the most crass man-hating woman could ever be.  It doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman, gender (or role) bashing is unenlightened no matter who the source is.

Here are some of the unabashed male-bashing that goes on in my experience:

1. "Women dancers are generally better than male dancers."  What a great way to bash men and keep the gender imbalance going!  Why would a man want to hang out with women with this opinion -- even if it were true?  I never thought about this idea until a woman more recently told me her opinion.  She is not alone, but she has many who hold her world view both on and off of the dance floor.  She is the female egotist.

2. "Women do everything a man does but backwards and in high heels."  This is another great way to start out a beginner class!  How motivating for me to hear how easy my job is compared to the women in the class.  I first heard this quote from a female tango instructor, who incorrectly attributed it to Ginger Rogers.  Yes, it was a beginners class.  For the record, Rogers adored  Astaire and would have never said this.  Here's the real quote: "Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels." ~Faith Whittlesey (anti-abortion spokesperson for President Regan).  Most high level dancers actually believed that Astaire was far more talented as a dancer and listed the women at his level.  I only see the remarkable spirit of Ginger Rogers, who still inspires me.

3. "The cabeceo is to protect the male ego." The cabeceo is a way of respecting boundaries and protects men and women from dancing with people they prefer not to without having to vocalize it.  Both men and women can use the cabeceo or ask for a dance.  That is my experience.

4. "The follower has a lot more difficult task."  This is a quote by a male author, using tango as an analogy for the business world.  Wait a minute!  The business world will never understand the magic of what is happening between a man and a women dancing tango because even the most avid tangueros and tangueras themselves do not seem to have the philosophical vocabulary to explain it very well.   But let's address at least the problem of this claim at the business level of "followership."  Leaders such as Joan of Arc, Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi did not have an easy job.  Their followers had it harder?  My best bosses made my job easy and my worst bosses have made my job impossible. I can only speak for myself.   In the world of tango if a woman is dancing with a man who dances like a slave owner, then she indeed will have an impossible job and the more difficult task of the two dancers.  However, if the man is accompanying her (acompañandole) as his adorable companion (compañera) and they are both following the music, then she has a task not harder or easier because it is a mutual experience.

Egos love comparisons, but as soon as comparisons start, the magic ends.

I am not a protector of the evils of the male ego.  What atrocities have been committed by the male ego!  The point here is that the "female ego" does not have much usage in the English language, as if there is no need to speak of this phenomenon.  Yet is alive and well in the world and in the world of tango.  I seek out compañeras who feel the magic of the mutual experience.  It feels as if they make my job the easiest in the world, and on a good night, the feeling is mutual.

PS:
There are women who need ego development (the word "ego" is the Greek term for "I".) For those who feel I have been too hard on women, please read "The Female Ego."   Book description: A therapist provides advice to women on self-fulfillment and increased happiness, as well as adjusting to lovers, family, and career situations without suppressing the female ego.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit:http://www.planetiskcon.com/daily/07/11/02/

Follower: A job without promotion

My new blog address is:

Tango-Therapist.blogspot.com 


Please visit me there.  All the content from Tango-Beat is still there, but in deference to a company with a similar name (Tangobeat.com), I have changed the name of my blog.  Please visit them too -- a great resource but with a very different mission.


The updated version of this article is:  http://tango-therapist.blogspot.de/2012/04/follower-job-without-promotion.html 


--  Thanks!

Tangueros, would you dare try to lead this woman without knowing her power?

Definition of tango terms:
Women know better they are NOT followers -- person who does not lead.  A person willing to have a role without any possibility of promotion or future leadership position.

Female warriors have it better off in the military than many female tango dancers.

Females in the corporate world have it better off than many tangueras.

Okay, now I have said it.  I didn't want to.  But it slipped out.

Intelligent, talented women don't like being followers without the chance of promotion. This is especially true in roles that would stop them from ever having a chance to become a leader. They do not like being in a position without hope of promotion.  Tango, one would think, should be the worst dance in the world for intelligent, talented women.  Women do not want to be perennial privates in the Army or mail room clerks forever.

Notice, I have said above that the military and the corporate world are better for women than tango is for many tangueras.  Not for all.  Some women know instinctively how terribly deficient the word "follower" is for their role in the most magical dance of all partner dances.

So why not a revolt, ladies?!  Where are the women warriors or at least female tango philosophers to lead the revolt that must some day happen?  My theory is that women put on their tango shoes and feel the magic.  They shrug their shoulders and say, "Let's make tango, not war."  Or they just say "so what?" or they say "stop talking and let's dance."  The power of tango shoes.

Really, ladies, followership is a concept of subservient, mindless obediency, as it is expressed by many  tango instructors -- especially women instructors, who give lead-and-follow validity, like a black man who insists on being called the "n-word."  Am I upsetting a few folks by saying this?   Good!  Why do you keep coming up with ways to protect a terrible term for something so beautiful as the rol femenino (the feminine role)?  

Why to you keep using this word, "follower," and then come up with excuses for it?  Imagine using a any rude, rank, and meaningless derogatory word and then trying to tell people its good side and philosophical uses!   Why is it that so many English-speaking dancers have decided to use this term to describe the nearly indescribable role you have in dancing tango?  Of all words, why the "f-word" -- "follower"?


Let's think philosophically for the next generation of dancers.  Leadership is a military concept.  Yet followership is not a military ideal.   Please trust me on this; I have over 20 years in the military.  Leadership is central to the warrior ethos. If a soldier is in a following position, it is only with the idea of learning to lead, learning what a true leader is.  Ever see a promotion ceremony at a milonga:  "Now she's a leader, first class"?  No.  Women do not need men leading them, and there is no need of promoting "followers" because they are not in reality followers.  They are women doing magical and wonderful things.  Intelligent things.  Creative things.  They are women.

Sure, some of the best teachers in the world use poor words to describe what they are doing.  But why are they good teachers?  Well, for one thing, we learn by doing.  If we relied just on their words -- we might learn the wrong spirit of what tango is, that is,  if we had only words like "lead and follow" to go on.

So what is the solution?  It is primal.  Easy.  You don't need a book.


Sex is the solution
Start using the words feminine role or simply "lady," "gal," or "woman."  "Lead-and-follow" has neutered tango.  That is something you might do to a cat, but please not tango!  The masculine role and feminine role are roles of the sexes.  Let's not take human sexuality out of tango!  Should we really desexualize the roles of tango?  God save us all!  What would the old milonguero ghosts say?  Surely this must be a sign of the world truly coming to an end! 

The True Leader
Also, we must have a philosophically sound way of describing the beauty of tango.   Lead and follow are dead-end terms because men are actually not leaders.  The music is and always has been the true leader which both roles must follow.  We form up like soldiers on the dance floor ready to march around in circles when the leader (the music) tells us to.  We go fast or slow because the leader tells us to.  And the true leader is a woman:  La Música.


The masculine and feminine roles are magical and mysterious.  Yin and Yang.  One is not powerful and the other not.  One is not creative and the other not.  Sharna, a local Washington DC, instructor calls the feminine role "the keeper of possibilities." 

Okay, all you "keepers of possibilities," can you start a revolt?   I am getting tired of hearing you line up and call yourselves "followers" with only a slight cringe on your faces.


I just put on my tango shoes.  I surrender!   Let's just dance.

More on this subject: "The End of Leading is Near" http://tango-beat.blogspot.com/2010/11/end-of-leading-is-near.html  

Photocredit:
http://www.eaglefilms.com/despiser/Beserker_brochure1.htm  

What is your Floorcraft IQ?

He drives a lot better,
now that he's asking.

You may have never seen the above sign on a truck, but this is common in the US.  The sign on the back of the truck reads: "Tell me how I am driving" and then it lists a toll-free number.  


You can bet that the truck driver with that sign on his vehicle drives a lot better now.  Perhaps he used to be a bully, but now the toll-free number rings on his boss's desk.  Suddenly the driver he behaves very politely on the road.

How do you like my driving?

Imagine having signs on the men's backs at a milonga like this -- but don't do this.   Could you imagine the floorcraft improvement if we had how-am-I-driving signs on everyone's backs?   At the end of the night each tanguero would receive some advice from the others.   Again, DO NOT do this.  You might have fights, hard feelings and demotivate a bunch of tangueros!  But mentally every tanguero should be thinking about how other might rate them.

Imagine how other men and women might answer the below questionnaire.


Floorcraft Intelligence Quotient (FIQ)


On a scale of one to five, how was tanguero #?? in the following.

No extra credit for playing
bumper cars!

5 = very true  

4= mostly true     

3=sometimes true     

2= Often not the case.  

1= Not the case at all.

You would answer "0" if you did not experience a particular thing.

The best possible score is 5 points for each item, multiplied by by the number of items answered x 2 =  TIQ.

1. He enters the dance floor, leading the woman in a safe way (not led by her).
2. He kept with the flow of the dancers in front of him (not a "rock in the stream").
3. He danced near to me but without tailgating.
4. Never backed up into me -- and no close calls either).
5. Never bumped me or my partner -- or even came close to bumping.
6. Never ran his tanguera into me or my partner.
7. Stayed in a lane one or two but when it was crowded; never changed back and forth.
8. Appears to have his number one job as protecting his dance partner.
9. He can dance very well in a small place on the crowded dance floor.
10. If there is a mishap, he is pleasant and apologetic even if it is not his fault.

Extra credit info:
My best advice to this tanguero to help him and others enjoy tango in this milonga is:

Examples (write in or circle below):
1. Ask men you like to be frank to you about your floorcraft.

2. Keep up the good work.  I like dancing near you!

3. You are a great dancer, but please lead the way with your floor craft as well as your great dancing.

Photo Credit:

http://www.whytraveltofrance.com/2007/09/04/franco-american-conversations-how-am-i-driving/

Tangueros with signs:  Washington DC milonga "Cococabana."  José, Ruth, Mark and Deborah.

The Assertive Female Cabeceo

"As she slid across the table and looked into my eyes I realized she wanted to dance.  In fact I found her gaze irresistible."

I cannot argue with the majority of women who are sure that the cabeceo* is a male-generated requested to dance.  Recently, I even heard the words, "I hate the cabeceo" from a woman who is an advanced dancer.  If not the cabeceo then what?  But the argument goes on and on with the ladies who are sure that the cabeceo is for men, their egos and for women to be submissive.  ¡No comprendo, de veras!


All I know is that I dance with women who make it very clear that they would like to dance with me by their eyes and posture.   Who exactly is in charge of the initiation of the cabeceo is often an enigma.  I would even argue that any man who is in touch with the social skills of a primate, will be very aware of a woman's willingness to spend time with her -- even if it is just for one tanda.  And the same is true of a man's eyes.  Primates are awfully sophisticated with this sort of thing, you know. 


The argument comes back from women, "I can make it clear that I want to dance with him, but he still doesn't respond to my communication.  So it is clearly up to the man."  Not true.  How is that any different for me or any man?  I can show interest all night to a women and she may not respond.  Just because a man wants to dance with certain women, she can look uninterested or even off in another direction when he comes near.  Please tell me how is this "up to the man"?  


So to fix it all, some would stop using non-verbal cues to request a dance.  Does that mean I should now start asking all the women who have been looking away?  God save us, if men and women start asking everyone with whom they would like to dance.  There would be a wave of discontent at the milonga.   Let's try it for a night for the women who hate the cabeceo.  That would put an end to the controversy!


*Cabeceo:  From the word "cabeza" (head), a nod of the head, indicating a desire to dance.  For more on this and tango etiquette, please visit this link:  http://tango-beat.blogspot.com/p/los-codigos-tango-etiquette-made-easy.html

Photo credits:

Find some great cartoons about dance at

 http://www.gocomics.com/9chickweedlane/2011/06/07 .

Finding the Missing Self in Tango

Tanguera returning to her Self

Diálogo Tanguero

This is the second of an ongoing series of dialogues with friends who have found a spiritual or philosophical meaning in tango.  This dialogue came out of a conversation from a tanguera whom I have never met.  She privately responded to an blog post in January, an article entitled, Tactical versus Strategic Tango.  She took to heart the wisdom I am learning from veterans of war and what helps them get better. "Teresa" (her pseudonym) took this warrior-wisdom to the next level-- life practice and the milonga dance floor.

Tango-Beat: Teresa you told me that your tango life seemed to take you away from your usual self. First tell me what is your "usual self?"

Teresa: I work with impoverished and downtrodden peoples, and it makes me truly happy -- to give of myself, to honor human dignity above all else and do what I can to make other people's lives a little easier. That is my usual self.

Tango-Beat:  So how were you were you different in tango?

Teresa: My experience so far has been largely "receiving" from those better than me.  I find it a bit confusing because by nature I tend to be a giving person, but tango brought out another side of me, a self-centeredness that I was not comfortable with. So why was it that with tango had I become so addicted to perfecting my dance that I put aside my nobler self? I am a bit disappointed in the months spent in this mode.  But I am at same time thankful that I confronted my ego now with just two years into the dance instead of much farther down the road. I do not place blame on anybody as I let myself be led down this path. 

Tango-Beat: So how has this changed? What did you do to return to a philosophy of tango that reflected your life philosophy?

Teresa: Well, I realized that I had to change this path or tango and I would have to part ways. So I went to our next class/milonga with a totally different focus. Honestly by night's end I had such peace in my soul, I was elated. I tried to stay committed to my focus on community versus performance. This is for me, at this time, I am not suggesting to anyone else how they should be. So I showed up at the beginners class to be a follower if they needed one. It turned out that they desperately needed a few more followers. This was my first big test. I danced with beginners. It felt good to GIVE expecting nothing in return.  I gave my self at the class and I did it with all my heart, that when it came time for the milonga I was so peaceful inside that the dance came from my soul and it was everything I strive for it to be. Gone was that perfection nagging, the performance mind. From this mental place my inner self and soul at peace with herself .

I realized that this all sounds so dramatic! But I am a very sensitive, deep-thinking, spiritual person and so I struggled with the disparity between who am as a person and how I have been as a dancer.

Tango-Beat:  I think your story is important for all of us. Tango will help our life philosophy, but also our life philosophy influences our tango.

Teresa: I feel like this is a new chapter in my tango journey. I want my actions to speak for themselves. Then if others ask about this new peace, I will feel free to share my concerns and the changes I am making.

Tango-Beat: Thanks for sharing this with us.  Your "beginners mind" helps me and I think it will help many.

Photo credit:
Woman reflecting on herself drawing:  http://www.squidoo.com/Psychotherapist?utm_source=google&utm_medium=imgres&utm_campaign=framebuster

Psychiatry on the Dance Floor

Is your movement a goal or a process?

Diálogo Tanguero 
Psychiatry on the Dance Floor

Prologue:  Lately, I have had wonderful discussions with tangueros and tangueras all over the world and so I hope to bring their wisdom to Tango-Beat.  This is the first Diálogo Tanguero (Tango Dialog) of  what I hope will be many to come.  My conversation below is with a forensic psychiatrist in one of the most populated cities in the US.  Over a cup of coffee, she told me about incidences that influenced her from her childhood, and how these influenced her pursuit of happiness through tango.  An earlier post “Tango Start Line” was about dancing for only your partner and not competing or dancing for the onlookers.  This dialog grew out that article.

Tango-Beat:
What brought you to tango?

María:
I grew up in Colombia, and I listened to tangos all the time.  My siblings thought I was strange because they were listening to rock ‘n roll, but I was influenced by our father who constantly would listen to tangos and boleros.  I loved these classic tangos.  I knew all the words to them by heart.

Mark:
You are a forensic psychiatrist, and you are summoned internationally in your work.  No one would ever guess that at night you come out as a tanguera!  And I am sure that few would ever guess you are a tanguera aficionada when you present papers to audiences, appear in court for victims or that you are treating patients.  My experience is that when we dance you are absolutely 100% connected to me and to the music.

María:
At work I present myself as plain as I can, with little makeup and very conservatively dressed.  Tango lets me be as feminine as I want to be, and that has really been wonderful for me.  Also, as a child I always knew that one day I would be dancing tango.  The reason for this is that my father always listened to tangos, and I have been listening to them since the time I was inside of my mother’s womb.

Mark:
You told me that you guide your tango teachers away from technique, choreography, and competition.  Instead, you are interested in the simple passion of the music and tango as a social dance.  Tell me why.

María:
I think I learned how unimportant competition is early on.  I want to dance it for me and my partner, not what others think or see.  When I was 12 or 13, I participated in an all girl’s bicycle competition in my neighborhood’s club.  My cousins Gladys and Nubia, who were 6 and 8 years older than I was at the time, also participated.  In the middle of the competition, a girl ahead of me tripped over something and fell off the road into grass and mud.  Behind her I fell with others.  My cousin Gladys, came to help me to get back on my bike.  I still remember telling her, “You shouldn't stop for me!  You could win the competition.”  She answered, “It doesn't matter; the important thing is that we are all going to make it to the end. . . .Who cares about being the winner or not.”

On life's track: Against others or with others?

Since that day, Gladys became my favorite cousin, and what she taught me that day stayed forever with me.  Approximately two and a half years ago, when I started taking tango lessons, I remember telling my first tango instructor, “I just want to learn to do it correctly, but overall I want to enjoy it.  I don’t want to compete.”  I don’t plan to be a tango instructor, though if one day it I teach, it would be to help others less advanced than me to get better.  Being on a stage in order to have ovations from the public is not my goal.  All I care about is to dance this music with all my heart, because I love it.  

Mark:
But you have through your passion learned good technique, I think.  I danced with you when you first started and you have really become very good in a short time.

María:
Well, thanks.  But I think that I have learned quicker because I never forgot about dancing just for my partner.  With my teachers, I have had that very clear, that my wish is to be a good dancer, but technically good dancers often are sitting.  My hope has been that anytime that I attend a milonga, I’ll be asked to dance all the time, not because I am the best on the dance floor, but because men will be able to tell that I have passion for tango and I dance it with my soul.   So, my hope is always to be dancing to the end, like in my bike competition, where I did not win, but I was able to finish despite the bumps on the road.

Mark:
Well, I feel this when I dance with you.  It doesn’t take a forensic psychiatrist to analyze this!  You have rediscovered your passion for tango that you knew as a girl.  Now, you are dancing to it, but it has been moving your heart for a long time.  What a great story, María!

Photo Credit:
http://www.thevelodrome.com/community-programs/bicycle-racing-league/

An Open Letter to a Tango Teacher

Here is a letter to myself for the day that I get the (probably ill-informed) idea that I might be ready to teach tango:

Dear Mark:

Please remember these seven things, if you think you are now ready to teach, especially #7 --

1. Diversity is Good:  Respect the spectrum of tango (milonguero, salón, nuevo).  You don't have to do what theologians have done and start wars and kill each over our differences.

2. Help the Gene pool:  Have your students go to different milongas from different teachers.

3. Take care of your own soul:  Dance 100% with the person you are dancing outside of a lesson.  You have danced with teachers who examined you but were not truly present -- like someone listening to a Bach Cantata at a concert next to you, but not there with you.  Hold that woman. Make her feel as if she is the only woman in the world.

4. Practice the Art of Dancing for Yourself:  Dance with people outside your "stable."  It is amazing how limited teachers become and are unable to read anything they do not intellectually/experientially know. You can dance all night with all levels of dancers, and then a teacher cannot follow the same thing you have done with everyone else -- a true sign that they have been dancing within in their own studio too much.

5. Performance Anxiety Medicine:  Talented teachers help dancers from seeking blame when things go wrong.  The music is the leader ideally and both partners create together when the leader is fully acknowledged.

6. How to Protect a Woman:  Floorcraft is the science of many couples dancing together.  Ultimately it is protecting one woman and then protecting all the woman around you.  Their legs are exposed.  Floorcraft is the main subject in every class on social tango, right?

7.  The Real Subject is NOT Tango:  This could have been #1, but I saved it for last as it is the most important.  The real subject is not tango. What you are teaching mostly is how a person can enjoy themselves, love themselves,  reach out to others and feel the tender touch of another person.  An ocho cortado is only a way to get to this real goal.  The greatest teachers in history have inspired the student to thirst knowledge not to HAVE knowledge.  If your students feel depressed and you make them feel as if they know so little after your class, please consider just going back to dancing and not teaching.  Two towns that I know of that have an inordinate amount of judgmental tangueras, and in both cases this phenomenon is the teacher's misunderstanding of the Real Subject.

In a few words:  Teaching is a calling.  Mark, tango communities need teachers who are advocates for the love of primarily dancing not watching tango and the succor of a vibrant, local tango community.  Be a good teacher with the goal of making great tangueros/tangueras.

You will be a good teacher.
You will be a good teacher.
You will be a good teacher.
You will be a good teacher.

Tango Teachers-Only Forum Part 2 : Why I am not a Teacher

Last night, an out-of-town tanguera asked me if I were a teacher.

As usual, I said, "No, I am a dancer."

I am NOT a teacher.  I am only 4 years old as a tanguero, and I have too much to learn.  If I found myself in a small town, I would teach and be a DJ, but for now I have NO desire to teach with so many qualified (and unqualified) teachers around!   Only from such a tango-deprived circumstance (living where there was no tango) could I become a member of the AUTTA (Association of Unqualified Tango Teachers of America). 

I was added to the Tango Teachers-Only Forum on Facebook by mistake.  Or perhaps it is the mutation of the same "evil little voice" that I hear at nearly every milonga I go to and dance with a stranger:  "Are you a teacher?"  Luckily from my training in psychology, I know the two types of auditory psychoses:  Non-command and command.  "Go and kill someone" is a command hallucination.  "Are you a teacher?" is not a command.  I don't HAVE TO become a teacher, you see?  

Going by the long list of members of AUTTA, this harmless non-command "little evil voice" can convert into a dangerous psychotic event only when the person sees it as a command to become a teacher.  The answer at a milonga should be: "No, I am a dancer and I am only dancing with you at this moment!"  IF I WERE a teacher, after the tanda, I might add:  "And here is my card. NOW I am a teacher."  I want to never stop being a dancer just because I might be teaching some day.  I don't want to judge and analyse my partner or cause them performance anxiety.  I want my partner to melt in my embrace and feel the power of this remarkable walking embrace.

I am learning from teachers about the problems of teaching.  Why did they start?  Do they really still love to dance or has it become merely a business?  I am certain that nearly all teachers started teaching because people asked, "Are you a teacher?"  This is like people who do not know much, cheer leading me into being something they do not understand.  Imagine being inspired to become a mathematician by people who cannot add well.   So for now, I just want to dance, and I don't listen to those little voices:  "Become a teacher."  I am waiting for the divine call -- la Vocación de Diós.  

By the way, here is my card:

Mark Word

Tanguero

Dancing with one Soul at a Time

Tango-Beat.blogspot.com

Housecalls for emergency cases only!

Wardrobe Failure during a Tanda!

Being a tango therapist has it's responsibilities.  Although all my tango therapy work is pro bono, I think I have found my true calling.  Here is my latest therapy session.  Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

"Dear Tango Therapist:  Recently I was at a milonga and a very good dancer from out of town did this twisty move that undid my bra.  I feel as if I am pretty liberal, but I was embarrassed and didn't really know what to do or say.  What would you suggest in such circumstances?


Sincerely, 
Very Lucy in Austin"


Dear Very Lucy:  I am not sure if I can help you with unlikely future events, but I will submit some solutions to Jay Leno in case he has a live broadcast from Buenos Aires in the future.

Here they are:  The  Best 10 things to say when one has a Wardrobe Failure during a tanda:

10. "I can't reach this; can you snap this back on gracefully during the next song?" [Don't use this idea during a milonga tanda.]

9. "Now I know what they mean by 'vertical expression of a horizontal desire.'"

8. "That was incredible work -- without any hands. Did you learn that at a practica?"

7. "I was glad to get that off my chest."

6. "I feel a draft; do you?"

5.  "We are so glad to have tangeros from out of town with new moves."

4. "This is a first for me. I hope you will remember me."

3. "Restrictions no longer apply."

2. "This reminds me of an old negro spiritual I used to sing in church, called 'Free at Last.'"

And the number 1 thing to say when a bra-strap pops open during a tanda [drum roll]:

1. "Would you call that move a bra-léo, señor?" [Said with a low, sultry voice.]


I am sure that comments will help with excellent ideas in such circumstances; so please leave a comment.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

So who is the greatest tanguero of them all?

Answer: Not the one watching the mirror!

Last week, I wrote something about how Latino salseros too often would be searching for their next dance partner or anyone watching their coolest moves. And I mentioned that women both in tango and salsa are too often watching the mirror. The comments that came from Buenos Aires were, at first, that MEN watch the mirror there, and women have their eyes closed. Then an expatriate tanguero living in Buenos Aires spoke up to say that the women indeed were watching the mirror there too. So one thing I learned from the many comments – not paying attention to your partner is not a gender-specific problem.


I think people keep coming back to dance tango not for how it looks but how it feels.  Yet, there is a natural desire to see how it looks because it feels so nice.  The draw of mirror is fascinating, and is not easy to explain.

Three mirror stories come to my mind about bodily self-reflection:  Consider Narcissus, a handsome half-man/half-god.  He falls in love with the person he sees mirrored by the pond.  Although many may not know Ovid's story of Narcissus, most adults know his name through the often-used word "narcissistic."  The second story that comes to mind is the Märchen (fairy tale) recorded by the Grimm Brothers, a story most Europeans and Americans know:  Schneewittchen ("Snow White").  And a newer story, published in 1997, gives us a great magical object called The Mirror of Erised, which is a mystical mirror discovered by Harry Potter in a back corridor of Hogwarts, his school. On this mirror the words inscribed, erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi, are the reversed letters of "I show not your face but your heart's desire."


Which of these stories best fits the person who watches the mirror while dancing?   Maybe there is an element of all three stories in this natural draw to look in the mirror.  However, I think that people do not look at mirrors during a milonga because they are being full-fledged narcissists, nor are they inquiring about who is the most beautiful/handsome at that moment, nor do they see their desire rather than their true image, as in with the Mirror of Erised.  But this is the danger:  Watching a mirror at a milonga will give you seven years of bad dancing!  Please note that this urban myth first started here!  ü


It is not easy to break the habit of looking in the mirror because mirrors are generally a good thing in our lives.  Besides the obvious loss of attention and poor dancing caused by mirror-watching, a very important and very old tango rule is being shattered:   Looking at the mirror breaks the rule of not instructing at a milonga.  Usually we think of not instructing others, but mirrors are a type of self-instruction and self-focused information.  The issue, then, really is not a our friend the mirror.  The problem is self-instruction at a milonga, leading to a lack of attention to the music and to one's partner. 

The Light and the Dark Side
So if you find yourself dancing with a mirror-watcher, who is this partner?  Maybe Sigmund Freud would say that you are dancing with Narcissus, or Snow White's Stiefmutter, or simply the object of your desire.  Wrong, Mr. Freud.  But good try.  No, you are dancing on the Dark Side with Darth Vader (or perhaps Dorthy Vedic?).  Although I am not a mirror watcher, I fight the temptation of being pulled over to the Dark Side of tango, and it is not an easy fight. The Dark Side focuses on how things look rather than how things feel.  Beginners are drawn to tango because they don't know how it feels but how it looks cool.  I think it then it becomes a quest to dance the way it looks for others, which compliments the feelings they get.  This, my friends, is okay, but still the "Dark Side" in my opinion.

Clarification:  I do not want to sound holier-than-thou. There is nothing wrong with the Dark Side.  I live on the dark side most of the time.  I run a blog.  That is the dark side.  I snowboard on skiers' slopes.  That is the dark side.  I wear aggressive in-line skates at skateboard parks.  That is the Dark Side.  I play drums:  Definitely the Dark Side.   My ex-wife on a more charitable day would say that I am 99% Dark Side.  So it is just that finally in one thing in my life I have found the light – tango.  So I will try to be patient with tangueros and tangueras who want to play on the Dark Side, preoccupied with how they look rather than dancing in the Light of How Things Feel Between Two.  May the Force be with you.

I Feel Blame in Your Embrace

¿La Culpa es Mía?


A favorite tanguera of mine wrote on Facebook, "Great tango vals class with Fulana today. She is very precise, and places the onus where it should be: on the lead."

I hope so much that it is not too late to convince my tanguera friend that believing such a statement will eventual suck every bit of joy out of her dancing.

Teachers that find it necessary to blame into the dance hurt both leaders and followers. Women who place onus on men create performance anxiety.  In the long run these ladies will not get what they need on the dance floor or in bed -- or in life.  Men will get in an argument which they will not win because so much responsibility is theirs.  Yet, isn't blame childish?  At least it is uniformed. Modern tango is a conversation, and blame is not a part of an enlightened conversation.

The Onus Theory is an educational, pedagogical theory.  Please prove this theory with a demonstration of 100 women.  If the onus is truly 100% on the lead, 100 women (trained or untrained) should execute what the perfect tanguero leads with precision.  The Onus Theory is also an anthropological theory:  The study of human behavior and the interplay of roles.  Again, the onus or burden being alone on the male role is uninformed anthropology.  Poor politics, poor marriages, poor work environments, poor production levels, poor team sports -- all are based on what this teacher has espoused in the Onus Theory.
 
I feel blame in her embrace
Nothing has to be said.  I intuit the woman who believes this uninformed (but oh so handy) Onus Theory.  I am forced to focus only on the music and the community of dancers around me because I am dancing with a ghost.  The typical Onus Woman will either find her joy only in teaching or give up tango within seven years, I believe.  I feel truly sorry for her.  She is the classic victim.  "I am not having fun, and it is his fault.  Tango is no longer fun for me.  I quit."  The burden was on him to keep her joy of dance.  Her tango is already soulless before she gives it all up.  I feel it in the way she responds, the way she looks at me, the way she is not fully present. 

The tanguera who wrote the above words is not that kind of woman.  On the contrary, she is wonderful.  She melts her right hand into my left like few women I have known.  She gives herself fully to my embrace. The last time I danced with her she even apologized and said she hadn't been able to dance much because of a tragedy in her life, and she said she could feel my improvement.  Yet, evidently the female teacher so impressed her that she started to believe the myth macho of tango:  "Me Tarzan; you Jane.  I talk; you listen."  It is not Organic Tango, which is a sharing of the dance "conversation's" success not a burden on one role. (See a definition at http://www.organictangosf.info/organic.htm and my own at  http://tango-beat.blogspot.com/2010/05/organic-tango-inspired-by-women.html.)

Only the Hard Headed Survive
Tango has a high drop-out rate because of the feeling of an onus both on women and men.  They leave and never come back.  In salsa that is not true at all.  It is better for me when there are more leaders.  At the last milonga I danced with nearly every women.  I sat out two tandas.  There are simply not enough leaders.  Is it the onus they feel?   The woman has a hard task -- just as hard to learn as the man's part.  But why the blaming when things go "wrong"?  Even these "wrong" moments have created things like volcadas. 

Taking the Onus Seriously
Lately, all of the classes I have been going to are full of men trying to get better.  Where are all the women?  A tanguera explained:  "Well, I don't know why, but many women get to a certain level, and then they enjoy a free ride with the good male dancers."  Another onus?   At least in my town, men are doing their best to learn their role.


Gentlemen:  If you are blaming your partner, putting the onus her to get your lead, you needn't say anything.  Ladies:  If he is entirely to blame for why his lead was not clear, you need not say anything.  Your partner can feel it in your embrace.

Organic Tango: Inspired by women

Organic tango* is a term I use to describe what happens when the music and and the chemistry between two people create something that is unique.  Organic tango is happening all the time, but sometimes we just don't realize it. 

In therapy sessions with individuals and couples there is often at least one moment that is "momentous."  Maybe it's a woman who realizes down to her bone that she is not even remotely to blame for her rape when she was a girl.  The years of self-blame melt in one session.  Or the couple that realizes that they truly do adore each other, and they commit to work of being a couple.  Today, a combat vet in my office cried for the first time about his friend burning to death in a Bradly Fighting Vehicle in Iraq, and a weight fell from his soldiers.  His heart beat went from 102 to 70 beats per minute in just a few minutes.  His migraine headache vanished.  I call this "a holy moment" because in religion the expectation is normalized that if one recognizes holy moments, more blessings will come.  "Then a window from heaven will open up with a bounty more than you can receive."  I have holy moments all the time.  In therapy sessions with combat veterans.  Moments with my children.  On the dance floor.  When these holy moments happen on the dance floor, Organic Tango is happening.

If you don't recognize these moments for the holy moments they are, then I believe they will disapate as efemeral warm-fuzzy moments.  It is kind of like Moses hearing the 10 Commandments but forgetting about them after the long trek down Mt. Siani.  "Hey Moses, your hair turn white, man.  What happened to you?"  Moses says, "Man, it was really cool. Lightning and stuff.  You shudda been there, man."Take note of the holy ground that you are trodding upon.   It is my job in therapy sessions to recognize these moments from what people are saying, and point out the moment.  Otherwise it too often disappears as just a "warm fuzzy" for the moment.  Holy ground becomes the dance floor when a woman says, "You know that thing we did over in that corner. [She's pointing.] What was that?  It was cool."  Scheeez.  I don't know anymore.  Focus, Mark.  Try to reconstruct.  She helps with a vague description.  It was a special moment in the music and how she responded.  Yes, now I remember. Something just grew out of the moment, the music, the connection that both of us had never experienced from classes or with other dancers.  This is organic tango.  No preservatives or pesticides or artificial fertilizers.  It nourishes your soul.



Here is some practical advice of how to remember these moments, a way to "count your blessings" to be ready for more:  Name the new move after the woman who inspired it (and take note of the music).  The ladies have led me so often to new places on a discovery walk.   In the last reflection, I said "women do lead."  This means "lead to organic tango."
 
So gentlemen, buy a spiral notebook.  I have been naming inspirations after my tangueras for about four months now. It has been wonderful, and more organic tango is blooming in my tango garden all the time as a result!


As for the ladies:  Having a turn, sacada or gancho named after you is much better than in the medical science community. How would you like to be Jessica Alzheimer or Susan Heimlich? Embarrassing at cocktail parties.

So I am dedicating myself to remembering those women who inspire a particular move and/or the music that led us there. The one woman who has inspired me the most was Alicia.  She is responsible for countless steps we have co-discovered. One paso I call, "Ocho Caminando de Alicia" keeps her in the cross system (ochos atrás) while alternating my forward traspies both on the open and closed sides.  Because of Mary Ann (Austin), I was inspired to do the Ocho Caminando on the closed side in milonguero embrace for the first time some months ago. 

The second person responsible for many moves started inspiring me on her 3rd month as a tanguera. Janet somehow is responsible for so many new ideas that I cannot even remember which ones belong to her (sorry Janet).


Most of my best inspirations often come from a partner who fully accepts me. It is hard not to sense the critical thoughts of any woman who is judging me as if I were in some sort of audition, and thereafter I usually cannot grow organic tango in her presence.  I can dance well because I dance in honor of the music, composer and musicians, but she must be put out of my thoughts.  Physcially we are dancing but their is no psychological connection.

Female teachers used to intimidate me, but now Mardi Brown (Austin) is great for organic tango, or better said, offers me a great musical pathway that is wonderful.  Her organic tango can last for a whole song or tanda.  Austin's new world class teacher and dancer, Daniela Acuri, from Buenos Aires inspired a new clockwise turn recently as we were dancing. Later, I perfected it in cross system with a veteran dancer, Kathy D. So it has her name as el círculo de Katrina.

Just recently el círculo became an INCREDIBLE move because of all the other women who taught me how to make it work with most anyone.  An interesting alternative response to my lead came from Johanna in LA. Other women were doing what she did but she was the first to do it very cleanly. Before Johanna I was misunderstanding what some women were doing until I saw (felt) Johanna do it. So now I recognize that women interpret el Círculo de Katarina in two basic ways.


The great tangueras in Santa Mónica, California recently, made me realize that each woman makes me speak my tango with their dialect and accent. With Sara (Santa Barbara), I was able to do little nuances that I would have never tried before. However she kept catching little things and I kept getting more subtle. Her organic tango moment is called el decrecendo de Sara (small steps that melt into only body movements) -- so luscious.

Wanda, from San Diego, allowed me to pause and improvise off of the sub-rhythms of tango (musically stated 1/4/7 of eightnotes or quarternotes or even half-notes).  Again leading me to places I had never been before, but that was also true of Caroline, Sara W. and Wanda in California. I now see this ability to not pull me into the next step as the epitome of a great tanguera.  (Note to guys:  Going slower in these sub-rhythms can also be led with talented beginners; so don't blame women if they don't "get it."  Also, guys this rhythm is the essence of tango/milonga/canyenge; so if you don't know what this means, send me an email.  Women cannot very easily inspire you to dance to this; it must be by listening to the music.  I discovered it by dancing by myself a lot.)


There are other pasos like el Péndulo de Mari (Austin) that is outrageously fun in a milonga.  It had never worked in close embrace and it was taught by a famous tango great (Salas) as an open embrace caminada.  But one evening Mari and I discovered something new in the milonguero embrace.  This was truly organic tango because she is somewhat shorter than I, and even now the pendulum is somewhat easier with tall women usually.  Not for her though.  The move belongs to her.

Dayna is responsible for a counter rhythm with a barrida during a molinete (two against three). I don't know what the heck I should call that. ¿Perhaps la cosa de Dayna? I am not going to describe this because I don't have command of English enough to do it justice. 

Just this Sunday, Sara M. (Austin/Seattle) along with the music inspired an extended segment in which she was dancing on the downbeat and I on the upbeat. It was an out-of-body experience. ¿Poli-ritmos de Sara?  That was definitely organic because it was in close embrace.  She owns it, and the music really called for it.  It won't work just any time -- a hallmark of truly organic tango.

How often does organic tango happen?  At the start, I said "all the time."  But are we recognizing these moments?  Just last weekend on Friday, Bentley created the "Pivot de Bentley," which I didn't even recognize as being that special until she pointed it out as being so fun, and yes, another organic tango moment. This led Kathy D. to comment (at a práctica) last Sunday that she felt the Pivot de Bentley wasn't soft enough. So Kathy inspired the softer version and by accident we created a leg-push sacada (her left leg) with a thigh sacada (her right leg) all with my left leg. This is repeated about 4 times for a 360 degree fairly tight circle. We are in the cross system. It is awesome. Thank you ladies! The result (according to my notebook): A combination (in cross) of Pivot de Bentley and círculo a la izquierda con sacadas alternadas de Katarina. Incredible.

From writing this article, I know that I am already in trouble for not naming all the other great inspirations from countless tangueras. I am humbled by their generous contributions to my treasure chest.

An important note:
These moments I am describing here are in some ways not true organic tango, which can go on all night.  But I do not have the words to describe this phenomenon.  Tango is not a compilation of steps like other dances tend to be.  And Organic Tango is not just steps or moments.  The best organic tango is an entire tanda with an organic embrace, which I call the "docking station embrace."  I feel as if I am floating in space but at the same time I feel I am home and safe in my partner's arms.  This happens all the time, but I am at a loss to describe it.  A few examples of the hights of these moments are empirical examples that something special was happening, abstractions of the larger painting.

So from my spiral notebook, which I only have started, I have these moments (listed below).  My hope is that a few tangueras will remind me of some holy moment / organic moment / nirvana nanosecond / heaven-on-earth tanda with me (or talk with any man who understands organic-Sprache or will simply listen to you.) 

Organic tango is good for you and the environment. And like the other types: It takes two. 


My Organic Tango ListHelp me with my list, ladies!

• Ochos atrás y caminando de Alicia (México)
• Cuñita ganchos de Alicia
• La sentada de Alicia
• 3 contra 6  Vals de Alicia
• Lápiz con enganche de Janet (Austin) and many more
• Círculo del Reloj de Daniela Acuri (Buenos Aires)
• Círculo cruzado hacia la derecha de Katrina D. (Austin)…
• …y traducción de Johanna (Los Ángels)
• Decrcendo [term from music/Latin] de Sara W. (Santa Bárbara)
• Pausa de Wanda/Johanna/Sara W. (tangueras de California)
• La Milonga-Péndelo de Mari (Austin)
• Multi-ritmos molinete de Dayna (Austin)
• Pivot de Bentlye (Austin) [Just this Friday at Uptown]
• Docking Station Embrace: Christina (Alemania); Tatyana and Irina (Rusia); Alicia (México); Kay and Pat (Austin)
• Docking Station Embrace teachers: Daniela Acuri (BsAs) / Phyllis Williams (Dallas)
• Hand melting in mine:  Teresa M. (Cuba); Mari (Austin)
• Dynamic breathing: Alessandra (Austin)
  
  From Sunday night’s práctica in Austin:
• Sacada doble y vuelta suave de Katarina D. y…
• Milonga contra-ritmos de Sara M. (Austin)

*Organic Tango:  After finishing this article, I did an Internet search on "organic tango."  Others have defined "organic tango" and we are on the same wave length.  Both of us agree on taking away the Tarzan mentality from tango -- "Me lead, you follow.")  Go to http://www.organictangosf.info/organic.htm for a great definition.

Women DO lead

Women
do
lead. 

Evolving away from the Tarzan-Effect





But how do women lead?


They lead the way to new dance ideas.  Sometimes by just pausing and allowing four possibilities rather than the one they learned.  A tanguera is like a guide, leading me by giving me possibilities I never had considered.  She opens the gate, and says, "Hey, Mark, here are four paths.  Most men go down this path, but here are three other paths."  Now, I decide to take path number three.  Later, I tell her that I have never done that before, and add:  "You inspired me."  She says "thanks," and adds, "You are a great lead."  What?  Who was leading whom?  If nothing else, we were co-discoverers on this journey that neither of us had ever made.  But it was her LEAD that allowed me to take the road less traveled.


The problem here is the word "lead."  Some leaders push or pull others along.  Perhaps that was the man's role when tango began.  The concept of leadership has evolved, yes, but in many ways nothing is really new.  History is replete with leaders that did not push or pull.


 The Santa Mónica International Tango Holiday (SMITH) gave me further insight into tango not as a "men-talk-women-listen dance" but a "men-speak-with-an-accent" dance.  In other words, I only speak without an accent when I dance alone.  I speak through a woman, and she can make my thoughts sound eloquent or dull; French or Spanish.  But I must be careful to say here that she is not my interpreter, she is like an interpreter, but much more.  She LED me to say it, I said it, and then she put her own accent on it.  Of course, this may be what she is experiencing too; so the analogies only come close to describe what I think is going on.  Whatever the case, I firmly believe that tango is more sophisticated than the Tarzan-Effect: "Me talk; you listen." 


Perhaps all my thoughts on women and leading in one sentence should be:  "He leads; she follows" because the phrase "women do lead" can be misunderstood too.  I don't want to create a monster.  I have danced with advanced dancers  who pull me into the next step she is thinking I will do.  I didn't say that, and the music didn't say it either.  Leading in this way is not allowing me to speak in her dialect; she has put words in my mouth and reiterated what a teacher taught without regard to the moment and the music.

Tango can be a soliloquy or monologue for two.  However, for those who have experienced a tango conversation, "women do lead" will make a lot of sense.  My hope is that men start recognizing the women who inspire them to do something that is not in their cookie-cutter vocabulary that they have learned, but something that was truly the making of great poetry of two people speaking a unique language that no other couple in the world can speak.  That, mis compañeros de tango, is the beauty of tango.


Trailer on next article for women-inspired tango:
In the next article, I will attempt to reconstruct some of the steps that women and the music have inspired while dancing.  Their dialect and these moments still influence the way I now "talk."  Here is an index of inspirations that I will mention just some my most wonderful tangueras:

De Alicia (México):

• Ochos atrás y caminando
• Cuñita ganchos
• La sentada 
• (Y mucho, mucho mas de Alicia)
• Lápiz con enganche de Janet (Austin)
• Círculo del Reloj de Daniela Acuri (Buenos Aires)
• Círculo cruzado hacia la derecha de Katrina D. (Austin)…
• …y traducción de Johanna (Los Ángels)
• Decrcendo [term from music] de Sara W. (Santa Bárbara)
• Pausa de Wanda/Johanna/Sara W. (de California)
• El Milonga-Péndelo de Mari (Austin)
• Multi-ritmos molinete de Dayna (Austin).
• Docking Station Embrace: Christina (Alemania); Tatyana (Rusia); Alicia (México) and teachers Daniela Acuri (BsAs) / Phyllis (Dallas)

Hot off the press just from last night’s práctica in Austin:

• Sacada doble y vuelta suave de Katarina D. y…
• Milonga contra-ritmos de Sara M. (la de Austin)

¡Hasta la próxima!  Or as we say in Tejas: "See ya in a bit"!

Tango: Speaking in her Accent

Tango-Akzent


Near the border of France
I enter a milonga in Saarbrücken.
She is French,
We speak in German.
But our mutual language is tango.

The music starts.
Our embrace, melds two hearts,
Two cultures.
And like tango, a dance of immigrants,
Our souls transmigrate to a place we both have never been.
Our movements interpret a tango both familiar and new.


My feet had spoken this same tango in my kitchen two days before.
But now I speak with a strong French accent, her accent,
Her way of making what I say different.
New to me, new to her.

Now I lead her down a familiar path,

But she opens a gate to a new place.

I see a French garden with a fountain.

I have never been to this place.

Neither has she,

Although I was sure it was her favorite place.

I speak with the accent of each tanguera I hold.

The magic of tango is the moment I am no longer just me.

Green Tango: Is your tango sustainable?

I want to transform my tango to be like the Green Movement in Germany.  Everyone recycles in Germany.  You can get a fine for not recycling.  There is a Green Party (die Grünen) in Politics, which has been around for about 40 years.  They are an important party, no just a fringe group.

When I lived in Deutschland, I loved living in a community/country that thought about the environment and sustainability.  The last place I lived in the US before I left for Germany made me pay to recycle all the cans I had flattened!  I liked GREEN.  At certain lights in Frankfurt, the signs told you when to turn off your engines.  A yellow light ALWAYS precedes a green light to prepare you to leave in Germany.  Letting your engine warm up your car can be fined, and your neighbors will complain to you if you force them to breathe the pollutants from your car every morning. 

So "green" means being thoughtful of one's environment and especially what is good for the body.  The ultimate GREEN question is:  "Can we keep doing this?  Is it sustainable?" 


Is your tango sustainable?


"Green-Tango," then, is taking care of yourself and having a tango community that will last.  "Red-Tango" is for the moment and just for yourself at that moment.


Shoes for Green-Tango
Das Thema Tangoschue reminds me of female circumcision, ladies.  The stanch supporters of this barbaric act against women in Muslim countries are -- that's right -- women.  I cannot talk to women out of their shoes that are damaging their feet.  They don't want to hear it.  Both men and women, but especially, women flip out when I wonder out loud if that shoe will cripple the woman wearing it.  Green-Tango is devoted to comfortable shoes for women, who presently are harming their feet and bodies (with the shoes I so adore) but are harming them.


Immune-System Green-Tango
Green tango communities have at least some milongas that are early.  Just sometimes we need to get a good sleep, necessary for healthy bodies which we need to dance tango in our 90's and beyond.  A person who does not sleep enough is hurting many things, but the most important is their immune system.

Safety as a new culture in Tango
Few accidents (floor craft) is a philosophic pillar of Green-Tango.  A code of ethics of safe dancing is a necessary part of a green tango community.  Sorry, most esteemed Argentine tango instructors, but all that energy spent on teaching volcadas, and ever other kind of "-ada" needs at least a 10% tithe to the danger of such thing -- especially to the most common victims:  Women, their backs, their bare legs and their exposed feet.

 Green Ears
Music that is not at ear level to blast in one's ear on one side of the room.  I always wore hearing protection as a professional drummer.  Always.  Many of my musician friends now have serious hearing loss.  Yes, there is Green Music and Red Music.  The Red Musicians eventually become the No Music musicians.
More Outdoors in Nature Tango
How about an outdoor portable floor that puzzle-pieces together? Each person brings a piece and we then can have a milonga.  We can call it "Stone Soup Milonga" when everyone brings a piece of the outdoor floor.  A quick look at the Internet reveals a little known fact:  There are companies that make floors that easily piece together in small portable tiles.


Green Tango is Warm Tango
Warm up the heart and other important muscles:  Tai Ji, or stretching, or yoga (even zumba) warm-ups before the dance.  A healthy heart is a green heart.
Above are just a few ideas that have come across my thought out on my tango walks.  Green tango will eventually be what the next generation will start thinking about when everything in their world by necessity will be thought of in terms of sustainability. 

Maybe your Niece Nancy one day will say to her 3rd grade class:

"Today class we will talk about a dark time in human history.  Here is a picture of my Aunt Amy.  She is only 70 years old and can no longer dance tango, her most passionate past time.   My Aunt Amy lived at a time when they threw out a plastic something every time they ate food." 


A little boy says, "No!"  A little girl says, "Shhh!"


"Yes class, and here are the shoes that damaged her feet!"  She holds up some well-worn tango shoes.  The children listening gasp in disbelief.  The little Shhh-girl, says, "But Miss Nancy, that is not possible to dance in those shoes!"  Solemnly the teacher says, "Oh, yes it is possible, but not sustainable."


Sustainable tango is the dance you dance all of your life because you can.