Tango Uniform:
A Christmas Story
The hardest thing for me to be deployed was not getting shot at. Having near-miss IED explosions that dazed me were bad too, but the hardest thing was to be away from my fiancé. I wanted to believe that she was being faithful, but there were so many stories of women cheating on their men. “Jennifer was different,” I would tell myself. “She has true class and culture. She wouldn’t do that.” But over and over we would hear about affairs that were being firmly denied, and the facts came in that were undeniable. We even had access at S-2 to use satellites to go look at our homes. We could see the pick up trucks parked out in front of our homes, and later the denials over the phone. Soldiers went home for two weeks of leave, and they had their stories too. Infidelity was our obsession.
“Tango Uniform” (meaning simply in radio language “T.U.”) had a meaning in the military for something that was knocked down and not able to get back up. Over the radio, we would hear that a vehicle had broken down and was irreparable. “Call out the wrecker, it’s Tango Uniform.” In reality “Tango Uniform” meant in the rough rider language of the military “tits up” (that is, flat on your back). But we started talking about our relationships being irreparable too because of infidelity. The first sergeant even said at chow, “My marriage is Tango Uniform. The rear detachment commander checked it out for me. My kids even know the guy, and he’s sleeping in my bed.” He didn’t want to go back because he was afraid he’d kill them both, leaving his children without parents – one dead and one in prison.
Before I left for Iraq, Jennifer and I had taken some dance classes and we loved it. First we loved salsa the most. But then we discovered Argentine tango. Jennifer has been sending me videos of “tangueros” dancing, and I even practiced by myself whenever I had a moment by myself. We danced open enough so we could see our foot work, but the videos showed dancers very close and doing amazing things with their feet. I loved to watch, but again, the atmosphere of distrust made it very hard for me not to feel jealous and wonder if some sultry tanguero was slipping off with her after a dance. I wondered if she were Tango Uniform with him in bed and that our engagement also might be Tango Uniform.
Sure, we had talked about fidelity. But she always reassured me about being true. She affirmed her maturity, her own self-worth and of course, our love. Well, a lot of women were saying this, and they were off doing the wild thing. But one thing she said really made me believe her. She said, “Jason, you know, if a lot of these women had a way of getting their need for touch met, then they might find it easier to be faithful. Tango allows people to get an important need met—the need to be touched. And if they had any sense of culture and self-discipline they would feel no need to go beyond that.” That sounded genuine. I also was able to dance a few times and feel what Jennifer was talking about. There was dancing at a large FOB not far from our sector in Bagdad, and they had salsa dancing there. I found myself feeling so much better after that dance, and even more committed to Jennifer.
After I came back from a mission with my platoon, the commander was standing there, and I thought there was bad news. We fear last minute tragedies in theater or back at home at the last minute before returning. We were supposed to come home on the 10th of January, and we didn’t have much time left in country. But the commander had good news. “You’re going back early, LT,” he told me. He tasked me to return with the forward party to help prepare for return of soldiers. The lieutenant who was supposed to have that job was MEDEVAC’d after an IED blew up his truck. No one died but everyone in it was already on their way to Landstuhl Medical Center in Germany.
My emotions were properly dampened as the commander told me. I would be home for Christmas. I held back a repressed “Yeah!” But I also felt like a traitor to my unit, getting to go back early. I felt humiliated telling the soldiers under me, and all the while I was so happy to be leaving that hell hole. I was totally conflicted in my feelings, but like it, love it or hate it, I was going back in time for Christmas.
I had paradoxical feelings especially about seeing Jennifer. What would I find? I knew that everything would be okay, but I had these great fears in my gut too. When I arrived I had to go through lots of briefings and medical screens like everyone else. But on Christmas Eve, thank God, I was free. I knew where Jennifer would be from our conversations, at a Christmas Eve tango party. So I put on my dress blue uniform – the only thing I had at my locker at work. I drove down to the university ball room, where it was being held. I put on a big overcoat so as not to cause a scene when people saw me in uniform at the dance.
It took a while for me to spot Jennifer. She was dancing with a handsome man, and I felt my face turning red. I stood in the back, and no one seemed to even notice me. I realized that I was spying. I felt so jealous because they were chest to chest, and he danced so well. She looked so satisfied in his arms. I had a feeling of great sadness at first: Like a little boy who was watching his best friend run off with someone else. Then I fought back the rage and jealousy. When that song ended, people were leaving the dance floor and she was coming my way. My stomach twisted and my hands were sweaty. An older gentleman stopped her with a nod of his head. Another song started and they danced. She had not recognized me. The man was old enough to be her father. Wow, he was good. He made the younger man look like a klutz. Jennifer and he looked as if the music controlled them, forcing them to dance so wonderfully. Jennifer looked like she was in heaven, and I realized that it was the music, the touch, the moment that was filling her soul. I felt this … this … huge well-spring of emotion, of love, of trust.
As if I did not even choose to, I felt my overcoat fall to the floor around my feet. People were leaving the dance floor, and someone said, “Jennifer! My God, he’s back!” She was pointing with one hand and the other was over her mouth, realizing how loud she had said it. The room went dead silent. Everyone started clapping, and Jennifer came running to me, with a crowd behind her. She melted into my arms. She was crying. Others stood by and gave me hugs like I was their long lost friend. “Thank God you’re back. Jennifer has told us so much about you; it’s as if we have known you forever,” an older dancer told, holding onto my hand like my mother would.
This is the tango community: A bunch of people who touch each other as if this were what human beings do best.
The music started again, and she led me out onto the floor. I felt so self-conscious at first. It was like a wedding dance and we were the only ones on the floor. I just tried to do what I had seen the older man doing, listening to the music and letting the music move my feet. I danced simply, but it felt like I was on a level that I had never had experienced. It was the embrace, Jennifer melting into my soul.
My engagement and my love for her were all saved from my worries of catastrophe and hurt at that moment. Tango Uniform? That is now what Jennifer still calls my dress blues. I am reluctant to tell her what "Tango Uniform" really means.
Christmas 2009
Mark Word
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
If there were only One Dance…
I traveled to a high mountain,
To meditate on the question,
“If there were only once dance,
What dance would it be?”
The answer did not come so easily.
I suffered a thirsty heat,
A sweating downpour,
A confused fog,
But then the answer came:
The dancer who hears the One Music,
Has only one dance.
The One Dance cannot be led
Because the music leads it.
The true dancer
Knows no time outside of Music;
Knows no life outside of Dance;
Knows no created thing
Outside of a unique way of movement.
Even the clouds dance out their message;
Trees sway to the music of the wind;
The choreography of birds
On the backdrop of the heavens show this.
Mustangs, too, dance free on the Great Basin.
As I pondered these thoughts,
I heard a beckoning sound of a bandoneon
Playing a tango ballad, as if were from a village below me.
The music so moved me that I danced alone.
I heard a primal, ancient beat,
And I recognized the clave-pulse holding all music together –
The heartbeat that still flows in the blood of Africa.
That day I glimpsed that
Indeed, time itself is Music,
And Music has no life, no meaning
Unless you and I are dancing together
The One Dance.
One day the whole planet will join us.
Mark Word
Salado, Texas
To meditate on the question,
“If there were only once dance,
What dance would it be?”
The answer did not come so easily.
I suffered a thirsty heat,
A sweating downpour,
A confused fog,
But then the answer came:
The dancer who hears the One Music,
Has only one dance.
The One Dance cannot be led
Because the music leads it.
The true dancer
Knows no time outside of Music;
Knows no life outside of Dance;
Knows no created thing
Outside of a unique way of movement.
Even the clouds dance out their message;
Trees sway to the music of the wind;
The choreography of birds
On the backdrop of the heavens show this.
Mustangs, too, dance free on the Great Basin.
As I pondered these thoughts,
I heard a beckoning sound of a bandoneon
Playing a tango ballad, as if were from a village below me.
The music so moved me that I danced alone.
I heard a primal, ancient beat,
And I recognized the clave-pulse holding all music together –
The heartbeat that still flows in the blood of Africa.
That day I glimpsed that
Indeed, time itself is Music,
And Music has no life, no meaning
Unless you and I are dancing together
The One Dance.
One day the whole planet will join us.
Mark Word
Salado, Texas
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Tanguero’s Beatitudes
Okay, you were wondering why I call myself the Unknown Tango Theologian, and so today I am being a bit more overt. As a joke, I once called myself the “Unknown Tango Theologian” at work with some friends. I would write things each morning, such as, “Hells Angels and Heaven’s Angels ride motorcycles. The difference is that Heaven’s Angels never run out of gas.” My colleagues started wanting more tango theology.
But that was just a joke. It hasn’t been a joke at all how tango has given me some great insights that have helped me spiritually and as a therapist, helping souls ripped apart by war. Tango has changing the way I help soldiers with PTSD. I called it the “tango effect” which took me out of the role of being the “leader” in my office and started watching for the tango effect to change both my client and my own life. I discovered on the dance floor that music, the moment, the woman could lead me to some new inspiration. And she would say, you led that so nicely. But in reality, the "tango effect" was leading us both down a wonderful path of discovery. I started seeing that everywhere, especially with soldiers in my office.
Anyway, some don’t like Tango Theology, and I am hiding from hard-line Druids, Christians, Muslims, etc., who wish to ruin my dancing by killing me. So if you know my real name, please don’t tell anyone at your local institution of religion. Don’t forget the adjective “unknown,” okay?
There are some sacred things that we can dumb down by making fun. But the following “remake” on the Beatitudes is only a fun-loving application of the profundity of the true beatitudes.
The Tanguero’s Beatitudes
Blessed are the poor in fancy steps,
for they will inherit the joy of tango.
Blessed are the tangueros who mourn,
for their tango melancholy shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for their cabeceos shall possess more tandas.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice of righteous floorcraft,
for they shall be satisfied with a perfect milonga.
Blessed are the merciful on the dance floor,
for they will limit the amount of ochos they do in a row.
Blessed are the pure and centered heart,
for they shall stay centered on their partner’s heart.
Blessed are the peace making tangueros,
avoiding collisions on the milonga dance floor,
for they will be called true “milongueros.”
Blessed be those with persecuted feet,
for so persecuted the tangueras of yore their feet.
But that was just a joke. It hasn’t been a joke at all how tango has given me some great insights that have helped me spiritually and as a therapist, helping souls ripped apart by war. Tango has changing the way I help soldiers with PTSD. I called it the “tango effect” which took me out of the role of being the “leader” in my office and started watching for the tango effect to change both my client and my own life. I discovered on the dance floor that music, the moment, the woman could lead me to some new inspiration. And she would say, you led that so nicely. But in reality, the "tango effect" was leading us both down a wonderful path of discovery. I started seeing that everywhere, especially with soldiers in my office.
Anyway, some don’t like Tango Theology, and I am hiding from hard-line Druids, Christians, Muslims, etc., who wish to ruin my dancing by killing me. So if you know my real name, please don’t tell anyone at your local institution of religion. Don’t forget the adjective “unknown,” okay?
There are some sacred things that we can dumb down by making fun. But the following “remake” on the Beatitudes is only a fun-loving application of the profundity of the true beatitudes.
The Tanguero’s Beatitudes
Blessed are the poor in fancy steps,
for they will inherit the joy of tango.
Blessed are the tangueros who mourn,
for their tango melancholy shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for their cabeceos shall possess more tandas.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice of righteous floorcraft,
for they shall be satisfied with a perfect milonga.
Blessed are the merciful on the dance floor,
for they will limit the amount of ochos they do in a row.
Blessed are the pure and centered heart,
for they shall stay centered on their partner’s heart.
Blessed are the peace making tangueros,
avoiding collisions on the milonga dance floor,
for they will be called true “milongueros.”
Blessed be those with persecuted feet,
for so persecuted the tangueras of yore their feet.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
When “Simple” is Complex
At the Fandango Tango Festival I learned how to answer a good question: “For whom are you dancing?” The great show of esteemed tango dancers was worth more than a few standing ovations. But I would have preferred to have that time to dance. The show was for others, but what I now understand of tango, the dance is for you and your partner. Chan (from ZenTango) calls it a walking meditation for two. Simple grace is not easy.
If I am dancing just for my partner, then I want to close the gap between the two of us. With the close embrace I discover a third element is more present – the music. This is very helpful if the woman has been rude about how we got on the floor or if she is very talented and I feel intimidated. I then dance ONLY for the music and the musicians. But 99% of the time, WE are dancing to the music. With the 1% woman, I end up dancing not only for the music but with her without performance issues.
I like close embrace because I find the way women look to be very distracting. I never get that close to a woman unless she is a lover. Paradoxically, when I get very close and embrace her like one would embrace a friend at the airport, I now can focus on the music, the beauty of human touch, the joy of movement.
The close embrace may look “simple” to even other dancers, but it is in fact a very complex thing – dancing for just one (plus the music). The experts who can dance both open are closed will tell you that closed is more difficult, but even many advanced dancers see open embrace as more difficult. Isn’t it interesting that even some advanced open-embrace dancers would be fooled by this perception of close embrace as being easier?
Let me use an analogue as a musician. When I played in show groups, I would flip my sticks in the air. Even the well-rounded jazz listener might assume that the drummer who can flip his sticks in the air is the better drummer. Chances are that the drummer who doesn’t flip his sticks is better. In most musical situations I would never flip my sticks. When I did, I got all these compliments from people who just didn’t know. They were fooled by the showy style.
Show-off moves may look cool, but the are a step farther away from your partner because whoever is watching has now entered into the equation. Any trained instructor knows that they can show you a step very quickly in open, but it is not so easy to now do it milonguero style. (Let's say, an ocho caminando or sandwicho is fairly simple -- but not easy in close embrace.)
Back to what I learned at the festival: Magdalena from Slovakia said, “I wished we had danced earlier in the festival!”
I said, “But I danced by you many times as you were sitting there with your turquoise shoes on.”
She replied, “Yeah, but you cannot tell if someone is truly a good dancer by just the way it looks.”
That was one of the best compliments I have ever had. When I was dancing just for her, it was wonderful. From a outside observer’s perspective, it appeared that what I was doing was simple. That’s perfect. And that is what I want. And Magdalena? Wonderful. She danced just for me.
I do believe in lessons/coaching/group lessons, BUT!!! “Thank you, oh great tango dance instructors from around the world, but I don’t have the time or money to learn acrobatics and dangerous moves for the social dance floor in my community. That’s a $3K volcada you got there, señor. Can’t afford that. Have a $50 embrace? Thank you, I’ll work on that for the rest of my life.”
If I am dancing just for my partner, then I want to close the gap between the two of us. With the close embrace I discover a third element is more present – the music. This is very helpful if the woman has been rude about how we got on the floor or if she is very talented and I feel intimidated. I then dance ONLY for the music and the musicians. But 99% of the time, WE are dancing to the music. With the 1% woman, I end up dancing not only for the music but with her without performance issues.
I like close embrace because I find the way women look to be very distracting. I never get that close to a woman unless she is a lover. Paradoxically, when I get very close and embrace her like one would embrace a friend at the airport, I now can focus on the music, the beauty of human touch, the joy of movement.
The close embrace may look “simple” to even other dancers, but it is in fact a very complex thing – dancing for just one (plus the music). The experts who can dance both open are closed will tell you that closed is more difficult, but even many advanced dancers see open embrace as more difficult. Isn’t it interesting that even some advanced open-embrace dancers would be fooled by this perception of close embrace as being easier?
Let me use an analogue as a musician. When I played in show groups, I would flip my sticks in the air. Even the well-rounded jazz listener might assume that the drummer who can flip his sticks in the air is the better drummer. Chances are that the drummer who doesn’t flip his sticks is better. In most musical situations I would never flip my sticks. When I did, I got all these compliments from people who just didn’t know. They were fooled by the showy style.
Show-off moves may look cool, but the are a step farther away from your partner because whoever is watching has now entered into the equation. Any trained instructor knows that they can show you a step very quickly in open, but it is not so easy to now do it milonguero style. (Let's say, an ocho caminando or sandwicho is fairly simple -- but not easy in close embrace.)
Back to what I learned at the festival: Magdalena from Slovakia said, “I wished we had danced earlier in the festival!”
I said, “But I danced by you many times as you were sitting there with your turquoise shoes on.”
She replied, “Yeah, but you cannot tell if someone is truly a good dancer by just the way it looks.”
That was one of the best compliments I have ever had. When I was dancing just for her, it was wonderful. From a outside observer’s perspective, it appeared that what I was doing was simple. That’s perfect. And that is what I want. And Magdalena? Wonderful. She danced just for me.
I do believe in lessons/coaching/group lessons, BUT!!! “Thank you, oh great tango dance instructors from around the world, but I don’t have the time or money to learn acrobatics and dangerous moves for the social dance floor in my community. That’s a $3K volcada you got there, señor. Can’t afford that. Have a $50 embrace? Thank you, I’ll work on that for the rest of my life.”
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The 2% Solution, part 2
- Did you ever get rusty at having fun?
- Did you need to be coached on joy?
- Have you practiced at being happy?
In part one of the 2% solution, we considered the idea of having 2% talent as a tango dancer, and how many dancers with little talent become good dancers. Filling the 98% gap is helped by three things: Having a coach, practicing alone and practicing with others. But these three things are not the real solution. The solution is JOY.
Many people who HAVE talent never become good dancers. They hide their light. On the other hand those who do not have talent become good to great dancers because of their joy in dance. They work at having fun. I believe those who work at anything because of joy will excel in life. The majority of good dancers in most communities started with 2% talent. I am one of those who out of joy is improving in spite of my talent deficit.
Joy is the answer
I took a long to time to get to the real 2% solution, I know. But since so many believe that having talent, a coach and practicing a lot will be the path to being good, it was only fair to see why they are NOT the solution.
Losing Joy
The most disheartening thing is to try to change the thing you cannot change. You cannot change how much talent you have. Surely, one can practice and find a coach, but what is the point if we don’t know that the real issue is joy? So, find mastery with the talent you do have. Enjoy your practice but find a coach that helps you practice at the best level of your talent (not at the level you SHOULD dance). Find a coach that inspires you and helps you on the path to maintaining your joy. It is joy, not fundamentalistic Tango-as-Righteous-Religion, that is the work of a good coach. Such coaches who take care of your joy quotient are rare. Most coaches – even the best of the best – do not know that their most important commodity is teaching people how to have JOY and to maintain JOY. So look around!
We need all the help we can get because joy is often elusive. A coach can take it away, practicing with people or alone can take it away. So you will need to protect your love of tango. A good tango community is the best environment for this, just as a loving group of friends, family and community helps most people to grow spiritually.
Find your own 2% solution. Find the people who give you joy. Three women at the Tango Siempre Milonga last night told me that they were rusty even before we started dancing. I asked them, “Are you rusty at having fun?”
“Well, no!”
“Then if you have fun, you are dancing 100% in my book.”
And it was fun. It was the 98% piece joined with 2% talent solution.
If you don’t mind dancing with a mediocre dancer (in the life-long process of trying to become good), please do some “pro bono” work, and dance with me at the next milonga. There is lots of work-at-joy to do. Add to the joy that keeps others and yourself coming back to gain mastery at JOY while out on a tango walk. That’s the other 98% of the 2% solution.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The 2% Solution: Talent is not the Answer
I am a mediocre dancer. I know that. But I learned three important things that many other mediocre dancers have not. The importance of:
- Having a coach
- Practicing alone
- Practicing with others
If you are like me and only have 2% talent but can work hard you can be at least a good dancer. I am in the 2% talent range on many things. But I am emboldened with having learnt to play music professionally. I wasn’t very talented, but I worked hard at it and I watched myself pass talented people who had gobs of talent but didn’t work at it.
I did the same with speaking foreign languages: Not much talent there either. I wasn’t allowed to take French in 7th grade because my aptitude test said I didn’t have the talent for it. A few languages later, Spanish, Greek and German, I learned the same lesson of the 2% talent solution.
It took me a long time to learn how to ride a unicycle, but because my children wanted to, I took my little talent and got up early before anyone would see me struggling like a clumsy clown. Now people think that the 3 of us have uncanny talent at balance as we play street hockey on unicycles. No, I have 2% talent. The rest was work. We have 100% fun and joy together, but it all started with the 2% solution.
Work is not the answer either
If one does not have talent and only works hard, failure will soon be knocking at the door. The only way to stick to it with little talent is to find joy in what you are doing. One of the most important things about going to a coach is they might be pretty hard on you, but they should be helping you with the joy of mastery. So (if you’ll allow some coaching about being coached), avoid really negative coaches. They will ruin you. Look at their students who are so critical of others because they have endured an abusive coach (the critical parent paradigm) and now invest all their energy in pleasing the critical inner dialogue instead of loving tango for what it is – pure joy. Dieter, the most negative coach I have ever experienced is a great dancer but many of the dancers from his S&M Tango School in Germany where he teaches are known as stuffy and critical. You can tell his students by their black leather and whips. I have to admit, I sometimes like dancing with them -- ouch those ganchos hurt!
Next: "The 2% Solution: The role of joy
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Turning Around Tango's "Vertical Expression" Definition (poem)
Tango: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire. – Anonymous
Vertical Desire
Until I learned the power of tango, touch-in-movement,
My life was a safari led by pangs of passion-hunger.
The hunt was on.
But in tango, I found myself fulfilled ...
by touch,
by movement.
In tango – at the milonga – I am on a photo safari.
I capture only the moments of beauty,
And I put them in the Album of My Mind.
Tango has turned my world around,
No leader or follower but two followers
Intensely listening not only to the music
But to what the other hears in the music.
She takes me to places I have never been,
And she tells me I do the same with her.
Who's the leader when we are both following
The music?
Strange how even my moments of intimacy
Have been so transformed by tango.
My intimacy is a sharing of two souls,
Fulfilled by touch, by movement.
There is no leader but two followers
Led by the music of two souls in embrace,
And this sort of passion has become
The horizontal expression of a vertical desire:
Tango.
Vertical Desire
Until I learned the power of tango, touch-in-movement,
My life was a safari led by pangs of passion-hunger.
The hunt was on.
But in tango, I found myself fulfilled ...
by touch,
by movement.
In tango – at the milonga – I am on a photo safari.
I capture only the moments of beauty,
And I put them in the Album of My Mind.
Tango has turned my world around,
No leader or follower but two followers
Intensely listening not only to the music
But to what the other hears in the music.
She takes me to places I have never been,
And she tells me I do the same with her.
Who's the leader when we are both following
The music?
Strange how even my moments of intimacy
Have been so transformed by tango.
My intimacy is a sharing of two souls,
Fulfilled by touch, by movement.
There is no leader but two followers
Led by the music of two souls in embrace,
And this sort of passion has become
The horizontal expression of a vertical desire:
Tango.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Milonga Jungle Creatures Part Two: Those who DO dance
In part one, I mentioned the Milonga Jungle Creatures that I avoid (Black Widow, Kitty-on-a-Leash, Gretel Grudge, etc.). Now here are some other creatures, whom I have catalogued while on one of my Milonga Jungle excursions.
The Enigma Creatures: Some women do not dance as much as they like. Alicia my friend and first tango coach does not dance as much as she likes because she can dance every dance and all night. She was born in stilettos. Luckily it was a head-first birth. In part, I am writing this for her. Having the ability to learn from the creatures who dance is important. I think I know about these dancing creatures better than many women because they capture me! So far they let me go after 3 or 4 songs. However, I hope that ladies leave some more ideas in a comment.
Ladies, learn from these creatures:
Miss Aisle B. Dancing: Some women stand in the aisle as men are coming off the floor, with that “dance with me” look in their eyes. That works for them. This is sales, a numbers game. Rejection cannot ruin you in the sales game.
The Romance Novelist: The woman with the aura about her just sitting there may be writing a hot romance novel in her head. She has that look of I-just-love-being-here all over her face. Why is she blushing and fanning herself?
Amy Magnetist: She has some sort of power over men. Did she read this in a book, or is she the Black Widow in disguise? Anyway, get a book on animal magnetism.
Helga Hypnotist: She learned long ago how to hypnotize the best dancers at the refreshment table, and dance all night!
Gretta Moovit-Baybee: She moves to the music while sitting or standing. I dance with this tanguera most when I am an out-of-town dancer. She is almost always fun to dance with, and often a great dancer.
Permit Patty: Before a milonga she asks for me for a “permit to ask for a dance” or I more often give her the permit. Either works. Permit Patty comes all dressed up to the milonga after a class and I don’t even recognizer her until she is asking me. I am so relieved that she found me because I would not have even seen her. It is an honor to be asked by Permit Patty.
Fanessa Vullafun: Having fun is 100% for her. Fun is what Fanessa is all about. She goes to classes to add to her "F2" (fun-factor) not snob factor, and she is my best partner, the one I'll most likely ask to dance a milonga. We'll most likely dance more than one tanda.
Nancy Knotty: They say that the nice guy comes in last. Maybe the nice girl comes in last too. What is the opposite of nice? According to Santa, the opposite of “nice” is “naughty.” Try that ladies. (Now I am guessing.)
Cammy the Chameleon: All the above all in one woman and maybe even the option below.
LAST and least:
Femme Fatale: Handsome men get dances. Beautiful woman get dances. Beauty fades but the Milonga goes on. Give up the Femme Fatale myth as a part of your human development.
So what if the good looking lady is getting a lot of dances. Don't forget the other creatures who may be dancing more than you. Femme Fatale is not stealing all your dances! Negative self-talk is. This in cognitive therapy is called “the negative filter” Let me suggest something that is a typical female negative filter about men, and this negative filter will ruin dancing for you: Believing that men are SO much different than women. (Research is showing this NOT to be true in spite of pop psychology – Venus/Mars stuff.) Men AND women chase after the packaging. A very handsome man from Dallas comes down and dances like a bumper car clown, and you stand in line to dance with him. (So I don't want to hear about "men are so shallow...bla, bla, bla.")
Femme Fatale be damned. Get over it and start dancing anyway. Metamorphose into one of the many dancing Milonga Jungle Creatures if the Femme Fatale persona never possesses you or before she leaves you at some point.
If you have read this blog, you have one Permit Patty life-long memembership with me.
The Enigma Creatures: Some women do not dance as much as they like. Alicia my friend and first tango coach does not dance as much as she likes because she can dance every dance and all night. She was born in stilettos. Luckily it was a head-first birth. In part, I am writing this for her. Having the ability to learn from the creatures who dance is important. I think I know about these dancing creatures better than many women because they capture me! So far they let me go after 3 or 4 songs. However, I hope that ladies leave some more ideas in a comment.
Ladies, learn from these creatures:
Miss Aisle B. Dancing: Some women stand in the aisle as men are coming off the floor, with that “dance with me” look in their eyes. That works for them. This is sales, a numbers game. Rejection cannot ruin you in the sales game.
The Romance Novelist: The woman with the aura about her just sitting there may be writing a hot romance novel in her head. She has that look of I-just-love-being-here all over her face. Why is she blushing and fanning herself?
Amy Magnetist: She has some sort of power over men. Did she read this in a book, or is she the Black Widow in disguise? Anyway, get a book on animal magnetism.
Helga Hypnotist: She learned long ago how to hypnotize the best dancers at the refreshment table, and dance all night!
Gretta Moovit-Baybee: She moves to the music while sitting or standing. I dance with this tanguera most when I am an out-of-town dancer. She is almost always fun to dance with, and often a great dancer.
Permit Patty: Before a milonga she asks for me for a “permit to ask for a dance” or I more often give her the permit. Either works. Permit Patty comes all dressed up to the milonga after a class and I don’t even recognizer her until she is asking me. I am so relieved that she found me because I would not have even seen her. It is an honor to be asked by Permit Patty.
Fanessa Vullafun: Having fun is 100% for her. Fun is what Fanessa is all about. She goes to classes to add to her "F2" (fun-factor) not snob factor, and she is my best partner, the one I'll most likely ask to dance a milonga. We'll most likely dance more than one tanda.
Nancy Knotty: They say that the nice guy comes in last. Maybe the nice girl comes in last too. What is the opposite of nice? According to Santa, the opposite of “nice” is “naughty.” Try that ladies. (Now I am guessing.)
Cammy the Chameleon: All the above all in one woman and maybe even the option below.
LAST and least:
Femme Fatale: Handsome men get dances. Beautiful woman get dances. Beauty fades but the Milonga goes on. Give up the Femme Fatale myth as a part of your human development.
So what if the good looking lady is getting a lot of dances. Don't forget the other creatures who may be dancing more than you. Femme Fatale is not stealing all your dances! Negative self-talk is. This in cognitive therapy is called “the negative filter” Let me suggest something that is a typical female negative filter about men, and this negative filter will ruin dancing for you: Believing that men are SO much different than women. (Research is showing this NOT to be true in spite of pop psychology – Venus/Mars stuff.) Men AND women chase after the packaging. A very handsome man from Dallas comes down and dances like a bumper car clown, and you stand in line to dance with him. (So I don't want to hear about "men are so shallow...bla, bla, bla.")
Femme Fatale be damned. Get over it and start dancing anyway. Metamorphose into one of the many dancing Milonga Jungle Creatures if the Femme Fatale persona never possesses you or before she leaves you at some point.
If you have read this blog, you have one Permit Patty life-long memembership with me.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Milonga Jungle Creatures
The milonga is a microcosm of the Universe in many ways – at least in the human behavior universe. One of the enigmas of the milonga universe is how we dance with some and do not dance with others. I have no idea why some women won’t even look at me. I showered. I take tango lessons to be better. I go to practicas to learn what women feel from a new lead. I just don’t know why I am shunned by some. Fil, a tanguero friend and philosopher once told me, “You never will understand why a woman shuns you. It is just like life in that regard.”
Yet, I can reveal at least the secrets of why I do not dance with some women. I avoid certain creatures out there in the milonga jungle:
The Black Widow: A woman who looks angry is not going be someone I dance with. An angry tanguera scares me away. She seems mad a men and women, sitting there fuming that she is not dancing. The angry woman has three choices, I suppose: (1) Hire a dance taxi; (2) hire a taxi home before the chair melts from all the steaming; or (3) learn how to repress your homicidal feelings enough that men do not fear your lethal gaze.
Techno-Frau: A woman texting on a cell phone is not going to get a cabeceo because …
She is not dancing with me
She’s engaged to AT&T.
Milongas should be like western saloons where men must leave all weapons at the door and women, their cell phones. Is she texting all the men with whom she’d rather be dancing?
Kitty on a Leash: A woman sitting next to a man, and just dancing mostly with him is also a problem. I have double-trouble getting a cabeceo from her and an "I won't kill you if you ask her" cabeceo from him. She should get up and meet other people.
Dressed-Down Doris: The problem usually is that the women have dressed very nicely, and we men dishonor them with casual dress. Ladies, don’t do what men do who break away from one the best parts of tango culture – such as looking, acting cultured.
Gretel Grudge: A tanguera who is a walking grudge bank. Gretel remembers the time a man said something stupid from 2 years ago (me). Gretel Grudge won’t even dance with the guy that danced poorly two years ago (me). Gretel will sit out more and more dances until she will have no reason ever to come to a milonga again. Gary Grudge, her husband, gave up tango about two years ago. Now he’ll have her company again. I won’t begrudge him that! (See the Black Widow above – pray for Gary.)
Satellite Dish-Woman (SDW): I don’t dance with her anymore. She is too hard to read. SDW sends out signals to men who possess the new, updated version of the SDW Tuner (that is, they can read minds). These men in possession of the ability to read minds will know that Satellite-Dish Woman really meant that her last three refusals were just for the moment. I do NOT have the new software or even SDW hardware. I like the less-complex biological transmitter (a woman’s voice). Bio-Transmitter Woman (BTW) has her shoes off or needs to rest. She answers my cabeceo but tells me (with her voice), “Don’t give up on me, I really just need to rest.” Women talk twice as much with men (according to research.) And one would think that they would be excellent at this task. Well, most woman are good at this task, except of course, Satellite Dish-Woman.
Miss Daisy: She loves me, she loves me not. Hot/cold. One day, don’t be surprised if you are dancing much less, Miss Daisy. Tango gives us all an opportunity to learn life’s larger lessons. Caliente/Helada Señorita Daisy probably is hot and cold at work and at home too, no doubt.
The creatures at the milonga I just mentioned are often just temporarily this or that. They grow (as I am trying to do), and become better dancers and people, sharing the great love we tangueros have of this rich dance and culture. Three years ago, I started out with “me Tarzan you Jane” in the Milonga Jungle. And now you’ll find me in the jungle enjoying the distant drums of the Tango Beat, wearing a tux.
Next: The milonga creatures who seem to dance a lot (it is not all just looks).
Yet, I can reveal at least the secrets of why I do not dance with some women. I avoid certain creatures out there in the milonga jungle:
The Black Widow: A woman who looks angry is not going be someone I dance with. An angry tanguera scares me away. She seems mad a men and women, sitting there fuming that she is not dancing. The angry woman has three choices, I suppose: (1) Hire a dance taxi; (2) hire a taxi home before the chair melts from all the steaming; or (3) learn how to repress your homicidal feelings enough that men do not fear your lethal gaze.
Techno-Frau: A woman texting on a cell phone is not going to get a cabeceo because …
She is not dancing with me
She’s engaged to AT&T.
Milongas should be like western saloons where men must leave all weapons at the door and women, their cell phones. Is she texting all the men with whom she’d rather be dancing?
Kitty on a Leash: A woman sitting next to a man, and just dancing mostly with him is also a problem. I have double-trouble getting a cabeceo from her and an "I won't kill you if you ask her" cabeceo from him. She should get up and meet other people.
Dressed-Down Doris: The problem usually is that the women have dressed very nicely, and we men dishonor them with casual dress. Ladies, don’t do what men do who break away from one the best parts of tango culture – such as looking, acting cultured.
Gretel Grudge: A tanguera who is a walking grudge bank. Gretel remembers the time a man said something stupid from 2 years ago (me). Gretel Grudge won’t even dance with the guy that danced poorly two years ago (me). Gretel will sit out more and more dances until she will have no reason ever to come to a milonga again. Gary Grudge, her husband, gave up tango about two years ago. Now he’ll have her company again. I won’t begrudge him that! (See the Black Widow above – pray for Gary.)
Satellite Dish-Woman (SDW): I don’t dance with her anymore. She is too hard to read. SDW sends out signals to men who possess the new, updated version of the SDW Tuner (that is, they can read minds). These men in possession of the ability to read minds will know that Satellite-Dish Woman really meant that her last three refusals were just for the moment. I do NOT have the new software or even SDW hardware. I like the less-complex biological transmitter (a woman’s voice). Bio-Transmitter Woman (BTW) has her shoes off or needs to rest. She answers my cabeceo but tells me (with her voice), “Don’t give up on me, I really just need to rest.” Women talk twice as much with men (according to research.) And one would think that they would be excellent at this task. Well, most woman are good at this task, except of course, Satellite Dish-Woman.
Miss Daisy: She loves me, she loves me not. Hot/cold. One day, don’t be surprised if you are dancing much less, Miss Daisy. Tango gives us all an opportunity to learn life’s larger lessons. Caliente/Helada Señorita Daisy probably is hot and cold at work and at home too, no doubt.
The creatures at the milonga I just mentioned are often just temporarily this or that. They grow (as I am trying to do), and become better dancers and people, sharing the great love we tangueros have of this rich dance and culture. Three years ago, I started out with “me Tarzan you Jane” in the Milonga Jungle. And now you’ll find me in the jungle enjoying the distant drums of the Tango Beat, wearing a tux.
Next: The milonga creatures who seem to dance a lot (it is not all just looks).
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Tango is NOT an Addiction, Part II
Please read Part I first!
My last bog entry started out, “If the model for motivation you follow is addiction, you run a higher risk of eventually being healed. Once you are healed of your addiction, we may never see you again at the milonga. What keeps some tangueros/tangueras motivated and others fall away? A different model may help you from falling away.”
So what is the different model? How about a business model of how to motive people at work? Tango (like many things in our lives we once loved to do) eventually becomes work.
Why do people come and go in Tango? Will you and I just fade away too? If you were to ask newlyweds, they run NO RISK over ever fall out of love. Yet, so many of these "no-risk" marriages fail. People “addicted” to tango feel the same about tango -- no risk. So in Part One of this theme, I hope I decreased you risk for leaving tango. You are no longer addicted. Tango is a good way of just getting what all people need in life – Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need.
Now the question is how to keep this wonderful fountain of life, called tango, in your life.
According to a business model there are four types of motivation: Compliance, willpower, imagination and habit. Each succeeding motivation type is more likely to lead to more motivated individuals than the ones preceding it.
This model work well after the honeymoon with tango (or other things) is over. Once tango becomes a chore or work, the business model helps us stick to it and rediscovery why tango was once so important.
Your tango will experience through the years many positive and negative experiences. We may lose a partner and a song reminds us of that loss. A new crowd of people come into the scene and they have different values and skill levels, and it is just not fun anymore. We may go through a depression and our “aura” is so heavy that people don’t even want to dance with us. So the model of compliance/willpower/imagination/habit may become the only way to stick with it. Ask the people who have been dancing for 10 or more years. They have stuck with it. Why? (For one thing, ask them.) They have had injuries related and unrelated to dancing. They have experienced drama and trauma related to dancing and watched people come and go (loss). But they are still working at it. I think they have learned to comply with the rules (both the etiquette and rules of dance), which allows them to dance with anyone in the world (not just a group out of a certain studio). They have had willpower to allow play to become work and then turn back to play again with lessons. They have started imagining the next level of dance and the fun it will bring, and finally, like the devoted monk who prays and goes to church, tango has become a habit out of the comfort it brings.
This is the “theology” of tango. “Dance that you may have life and life abundantly.”
The Tango Theologian from Salado, Texas
My last bog entry started out, “If the model for motivation you follow is addiction, you run a higher risk of eventually being healed. Once you are healed of your addiction, we may never see you again at the milonga. What keeps some tangueros/tangueras motivated and others fall away? A different model may help you from falling away.”
So what is the different model? How about a business model of how to motive people at work? Tango (like many things in our lives we once loved to do) eventually becomes work.
Why do people come and go in Tango? Will you and I just fade away too? If you were to ask newlyweds, they run NO RISK over ever fall out of love. Yet, so many of these "no-risk" marriages fail. People “addicted” to tango feel the same about tango -- no risk. So in Part One of this theme, I hope I decreased you risk for leaving tango. You are no longer addicted. Tango is a good way of just getting what all people need in life – Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need.
Now the question is how to keep this wonderful fountain of life, called tango, in your life.
According to a business model there are four types of motivation: Compliance, willpower, imagination and habit. Each succeeding motivation type is more likely to lead to more motivated individuals than the ones preceding it.
This model work well after the honeymoon with tango (or other things) is over. Once tango becomes a chore or work, the business model helps us stick to it and rediscovery why tango was once so important.
- Compliance (I know this work is good for me. I will follow the rules).
- Willpower (I am going to get off this sofa and go).
- Imagination (I am going to rediscover why tango was so good for me. I can imagine being really good at this.)
- Habit (tango is just what I do. It fulfills me and makes me a better person).
Your tango will experience through the years many positive and negative experiences. We may lose a partner and a song reminds us of that loss. A new crowd of people come into the scene and they have different values and skill levels, and it is just not fun anymore. We may go through a depression and our “aura” is so heavy that people don’t even want to dance with us. So the model of compliance/willpower/imagination/habit may become the only way to stick with it. Ask the people who have been dancing for 10 or more years. They have stuck with it. Why? (For one thing, ask them.) They have had injuries related and unrelated to dancing. They have experienced drama and trauma related to dancing and watched people come and go (loss). But they are still working at it. I think they have learned to comply with the rules (both the etiquette and rules of dance), which allows them to dance with anyone in the world (not just a group out of a certain studio). They have had willpower to allow play to become work and then turn back to play again with lessons. They have started imagining the next level of dance and the fun it will bring, and finally, like the devoted monk who prays and goes to church, tango has become a habit out of the comfort it brings.
This is the “theology” of tango. “Dance that you may have life and life abundantly.”
The Tango Theologian from Salado, Texas
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Part I: Tango is NOT an Addiction
"Oh, yes it is!" many of you may say. It is NOT.
If the model for motivation you follow is “addiction," you run a higher risk of eventually being healed. Once you are healed of your addiction, we may never see you again at the milonga. What keeps some tangueros/tangueras motivated and others fall away? A different model may help you from falling away. [Tomorrow, I will introduce a motivation model, but for now, let's find a better human behavior model that explains the power of tango.]
I work in a medical world of colleagues, some VERY SMART people. So I know that I am a minority in my own business of "mental health" to reject the medical model as being helpful in describing human behavior.
But tango gives me great insights of why joy, freedom, movement is not addiction.
Addiction is a very negative medical model, and, sorry to say, you and everyone you know is sick to some degree. [Read Viktor Frankel for a glass-is-half-full perspective of human psychology.] So we go to our 12-step meeting. I stand and say: "My name is Mark, and I am addicted to the medical model. I find it hard to think of the world without applying the modern medical model to everything. My computer is sick because it has a virus. St. Paul had a 'conversion disorder' being blinded by a light, talking to Jesus (psychosis) and hearing him too. I feel guilty when I say this, but even Jesus had some sort of delusional disorder. Everyone I know is sick, sick, sick. I am addicted to the medical model." I sit down. People clap. I cry.
Now the Voice of Reason:
Tango is a wonderful thing and so is air. If you say I am addicted to both, then so be it. I really am fond of air. Abraham Maslow said that air, food, water, shelter, sleep, movement, touch* (there are more) are the first level in the hierarchy of human needs. Babies and old people who are not touched die. The medical term is "failure to thrive." Just say it! "They died for lack of a caring touch!" Our need (especially in touch-resistant America) is fulfilled in tango.
Did you ever realize that you are getting nearly everything you need according to Maslow on the most basic level at a milonga? Is this addiction? The "religion" of the medical model has infected the way you think. Whoops, did I say infected? Oh, my God,I have contracted a medical model disorder. And I am not just sad about it, I am clinically depressed. But after I get off work and you see me dancing all night, you'll know that I am a manic-depressive patient. I think this is what is called a sarcastic rant.
So please stop telling me you are addicted to tango, okay? It is not the case. You had a great milonga. You were breathing. You got some food and water at the refreshment table. The studio was great shelter with air conditioning or heat. You were moving, touching, communicating. And, that meine Damen und Herrn was just the first level of Maslow's Hierarchy of Need. Tango starts at the bottom and goes all the way to the top of his pyramid.
Now, that you are not addicted, you now are less likely to just stop tango when it turns out to be work one day. Or you have some really bad experiences related to tango. The honeymoon one day will be over. Will then the addiction is healed? And will you (as many before you) never go to a milonga again? If you are addicted you may just say, "I am over that!" But I hope you will not give up as others when they convinced themselves they were no longer addicted to air, water, food, touch, movement, and JOY. Pure joy. Where is my bandoneon? I feel a melancholic tango coming on. I am singing now:
Esa mujer que bailaba conmigo
Ya no viene desde hace mucho.
Abandonó el tango y sus tradiciones
Así como si fueran malas adicciones.
Abandonó la milonga por su tristeza
Pero el tango todavía ama a su pureza.
That woman who danced with me
No longer visits the milonga
She abandoned tango and its traditions
As if there were merely evil addictions.
She abandoned tango out of sadness
But tango still loves her nevertheless.
Let's make a date to meet in Austin in 30 years at a milonga, okay?
The Unknown Tango Theologian from Salado, Texas
If the model for motivation you follow is “addiction," you run a higher risk of eventually being healed. Once you are healed of your addiction, we may never see you again at the milonga. What keeps some tangueros/tangueras motivated and others fall away? A different model may help you from falling away. [Tomorrow, I will introduce a motivation model, but for now, let's find a better human behavior model that explains the power of tango.]
I work in a medical world of colleagues, some VERY SMART people. So I know that I am a minority in my own business of "mental health" to reject the medical model as being helpful in describing human behavior.
But tango gives me great insights of why joy, freedom, movement is not addiction.
Addiction is a very negative medical model, and, sorry to say, you and everyone you know is sick to some degree. [Read Viktor Frankel for a glass-is-half-full perspective of human psychology.] So we go to our 12-step meeting. I stand and say: "My name is Mark, and I am addicted to the medical model. I find it hard to think of the world without applying the modern medical model to everything. My computer is sick because it has a virus. St. Paul had a 'conversion disorder' being blinded by a light, talking to Jesus (psychosis) and hearing him too. I feel guilty when I say this, but even Jesus had some sort of delusional disorder. Everyone I know is sick, sick, sick. I am addicted to the medical model." I sit down. People clap. I cry.
Now the Voice of Reason:
Tango is a wonderful thing and so is air. If you say I am addicted to both, then so be it. I really am fond of air. Abraham Maslow said that air, food, water, shelter, sleep, movement, touch* (there are more) are the first level in the hierarchy of human needs. Babies and old people who are not touched die. The medical term is "failure to thrive." Just say it! "They died for lack of a caring touch!" Our need (especially in touch-resistant America) is fulfilled in tango.
Did you ever realize that you are getting nearly everything you need according to Maslow on the most basic level at a milonga? Is this addiction? The "religion" of the medical model has infected the way you think. Whoops, did I say infected? Oh, my God,I have contracted a medical model disorder. And I am not just sad about it, I am clinically depressed. But after I get off work and you see me dancing all night, you'll know that I am a manic-depressive patient. I think this is what is called a sarcastic rant.
So please stop telling me you are addicted to tango, okay? It is not the case. You had a great milonga. You were breathing. You got some food and water at the refreshment table. The studio was great shelter with air conditioning or heat. You were moving, touching, communicating. And, that meine Damen und Herrn was just the first level of Maslow's Hierarchy of Need. Tango starts at the bottom and goes all the way to the top of his pyramid.
Now, that you are not addicted, you now are less likely to just stop tango when it turns out to be work one day. Or you have some really bad experiences related to tango. The honeymoon one day will be over. Will then the addiction is healed? And will you (as many before you) never go to a milonga again? If you are addicted you may just say, "I am over that!" But I hope you will not give up as others when they convinced themselves they were no longer addicted to air, water, food, touch, movement, and JOY. Pure joy. Where is my bandoneon? I feel a melancholic tango coming on. I am singing now:
Esa mujer que bailaba conmigo
Ya no viene desde hace mucho.
Abandonó el tango y sus tradiciones
Así como si fueran malas adicciones.
Abandonó la milonga por su tristeza
Pero el tango todavía ama a su pureza.
That woman who danced with me
No longer visits the milonga
She abandoned tango and its traditions
As if there were merely evil addictions.
She abandoned tango out of sadness
But tango still loves her nevertheless.
Let's make a date to meet in Austin in 30 years at a milonga, okay?
The Unknown Tango Theologian from Salado, Texas
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Three Guests (poem)
Guests at the milonga thought
"Certainly they are lovers."
The way we looked at each other
In silence and nodded.
How I led her to the dance floor by her hand.
Then we had a knowing, silent stare.
I came closer and we leaned together,
Connecting, heart to heart as lovers do.
We looked at each others' hands together,
As my left and her right connected.
And as if this had been a perfectly timed ritual,
A new phrase in the music suddenly became
Our Movement.
Movement of two made one.
Certainly these two are lovers, danced for years together.
Later our legs entwined.
Our conversation was silent, not a word,
But loudly announced our passion.
We punctuated the music with slow steps and then fast.
Surely it was the favorite song of these lovers,
Danced a thousand times.
And then suddenly -- so it seemed to others –
We stopped. . .
Magically stopped with the music.
I led her back to her chair.
And the guests heard me say:
"Welcome to our milonga and our city!
It was wonderful dancing with you!"
Guests at the milonga thought
Certainly we were lovers.
And we were -- one tango at a time.
The Unknown Tango Theologian from Salado, Texas
"Certainly they are lovers."
The way we looked at each other
In silence and nodded.
How I led her to the dance floor by her hand.
Then we had a knowing, silent stare.
I came closer and we leaned together,
Connecting, heart to heart as lovers do.
We looked at each others' hands together,
As my left and her right connected.
And as if this had been a perfectly timed ritual,
A new phrase in the music suddenly became
Our Movement.
Movement of two made one.
Certainly these two are lovers, danced for years together.
Later our legs entwined.
Our conversation was silent, not a word,
But loudly announced our passion.
We punctuated the music with slow steps and then fast.
Surely it was the favorite song of these lovers,
Danced a thousand times.
And then suddenly -- so it seemed to others –
We stopped. . .
Magically stopped with the music.
I led her back to her chair.
And the guests heard me say:
"Welcome to our milonga and our city!
It was wonderful dancing with you!"
Guests at the milonga thought
Certainly we were lovers.
And we were -- one tango at a time.
The Unknown Tango Theologian from Salado, Texas
Monday, November 2, 2009
Part II of "The Airplane Trip, Tango and Sex"
"Flying an airplane, tango and sex all have two essential elements: The take off and the landing. The ride in the middle should be enjoyable and not too bumpy, but taking off and landing are essential." The Unknown Tango Theologian from Salado's exegesis of the Song of Solomon
"Ladies and Gents, put your seats and tray tables in the upright position. We are about to aterrizar"....
Let me suggest something to tangueros/tangueras for phase one of the landing -- the approach. The landing is not just the man's role. On Thursday, Kay added something to a tango landing of mine that made it perfect. She made a move I had never had experienced. Mostly women are just happy to be alive, but she had enough wits about her to add a nice dip in elevation to the last beat. Women have taken the controls and landed for me because I was sleeping or distracted by a near miss of a Kamikaze pilot. Women make all the difference in the world to my crazy landings to a milonga. (Milonga landings are with a helicopter-on-springs -- not fixed wing landings.) Just this last weekend, Loreen, Bentley, Judith and Janet inspired me with fun landings that made me laugh. Just incredible.
My suggestion to both men and women is that you discover what makes the ending happen musically. The bandoneon typically goes through two phrases (of usually 8 bars) where the musician shows virtuosity (fast playing) and brings it to an end. If the leader/follower knows this, then in a sense you know that the GROUND is coming up soon. Good to know that piece of information about the ground, you know.
[Tangueros, this is harder, but I will add it (since the blog is called "Tango Beat"): If you dance on the up-beat for at least the last two measures you will land on the downbeat when it you hit the ground. The vals I count (and feel) in six beats per measure, dancing the last few six-beat phrases (measures) on 1, 3, 5 and land on 1 (the downbeat). There is a milonguero on YouTube whom I love to watch but he crashes on every end. I hope is reading this.]
In aviation the word "attitude" means the angle of decent -- attitude is everything:
Sure, hitting the ground without crashing is a very nice climax as climaxes go. But that is not the entire landing. My God! You are alive! Maybe more alive that any other time in last few hours, days, months, years. Embrace someone for a moment! Don't just jump away like you are embarrassed to have embraced a human being for 3 minutes.
Are we there now?
No. The entire landing is still not over until you taxi to the terminal. Wait until the pilot has turned off the safety belt sign. One's after-play is essential too. I like to take the woman back to her chair, but she has to be willing. Is she already running off to see about her next flight? Maybe a lover is waiting for her in the terminal? Or (more likely) she has been accustomed to not be escorted to her chair. If she is willing and expectant, our last moments together allow me to talk to her since I haven't talked to her more than a few sentences between songs. The cortinas (curtains) close on a the stage of a great play. After-play.
¡Bon Voyage, Tangueros!
"Ladies and Gents, put your seats and tray tables in the upright position. We are about to aterrizar"....
Let me suggest something to tangueros/tangueras for phase one of the landing -- the approach. The landing is not just the man's role. On Thursday, Kay added something to a tango landing of mine that made it perfect. She made a move I had never had experienced. Mostly women are just happy to be alive, but she had enough wits about her to add a nice dip in elevation to the last beat. Women have taken the controls and landed for me because I was sleeping or distracted by a near miss of a Kamikaze pilot. Women make all the difference in the world to my crazy landings to a milonga. (Milonga landings are with a helicopter-on-springs -- not fixed wing landings.) Just this last weekend, Loreen, Bentley, Judith and Janet inspired me with fun landings that made me laugh. Just incredible.
My suggestion to both men and women is that you discover what makes the ending happen musically. The bandoneon typically goes through two phrases (of usually 8 bars) where the musician shows virtuosity (fast playing) and brings it to an end. If the leader/follower knows this, then in a sense you know that the GROUND is coming up soon. Good to know that piece of information about the ground, you know.
[Tangueros, this is harder, but I will add it (since the blog is called "Tango Beat"): If you dance on the up-beat for at least the last two measures you will land on the downbeat when it you hit the ground. The vals I count (and feel) in six beats per measure, dancing the last few six-beat phrases (measures) on 1, 3, 5 and land on 1 (the downbeat). There is a milonguero on YouTube whom I love to watch but he crashes on every end. I hope is reading this.]
In aviation the word "attitude" means the angle of decent -- attitude is everything:
Sure, hitting the ground without crashing is a very nice climax as climaxes go. But that is not the entire landing. My God! You are alive! Maybe more alive that any other time in last few hours, days, months, years. Embrace someone for a moment! Don't just jump away like you are embarrassed to have embraced a human being for 3 minutes.
Are we there now?
No. The entire landing is still not over until you taxi to the terminal. Wait until the pilot has turned off the safety belt sign. One's after-play is essential too. I like to take the woman back to her chair, but she has to be willing. Is she already running off to see about her next flight? Maybe a lover is waiting for her in the terminal? Or (more likely) she has been accustomed to not be escorted to her chair. If she is willing and expectant, our last moments together allow me to talk to her since I haven't talked to her more than a few sentences between songs. The cortinas (curtains) close on a the stage of a great play. After-play.
¡Bon Voyage, Tangueros!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Airplane Ride, Tango and Sex
"Flying an airplane, tango and sex all have two essential elements: The take off and the landing. The ride in the middle should be enjoyable and not too bumpy, but taking off and landing are essential." The Unknown Tango Theologian from Salado's exegesis of the Song of Solomon
I wrote the above sentences on Facebook from an inspiration to Mari's Blog a few weeks ago (see links on the left). It was an attempt at humor. But the idea of the take off and land really has changed the way I start my tango. I am more prone to put on my safety belt (settle into the embrace) and see if my partner has her belt on too. If she is already putting on the drop-down oxygen bag, I have two options to consider: (1) Loosen up on my embrace a bit; (2) taxi back to the start of the runway and find some breath mints.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please take out the card from the back of your seat pocket, and read along.
The analogy now is the take off in a plane / the start of a tango / and foreplay. I pilot my plane early. I start to taxi on dance floor as other pilots are stalled talking to the tanguera who is about to board. So making the embrace secure can take more time without causing a crash into other pilots who are placticando.
The musician in me makes it hard for me to talk while the music is playing; so I am not much good at small talk after the music starts. Music distracts me and rebounds around in my cerebellum, impelling me to get moving, not talking. So I really have to think about making sure my partner is ready to move with me.
Loreen, a San Antonio tanguera, told me yesterday, "Do you realize that you are dancing before we even get on the floor?" I hadn't really thought about it. That's not my cabeceo, that is my head bobbing around as I am walking towards you to ask if you will go with me on a make-belief trip to Buenos Aires. I don't fly a plane in real life, but I am pilot actor on the dance floor.
"In a few moments the pilot will take of the seat belt sign":
On the other hand, I am not an actor with love making; I hope the same for you. Fortunately, I had a great first coach (my first girlfriend) in the "take off" phase of love making (close embrace, I might add). Foreplay is a better analogy for a tango start than a plane take-off. A take off in a plane is not as difficult as a landing. BUT foreplay and a good tango start are indeed essential for everything else that follows.
"Ladies and Gents, put your seats and tray tables in the upright position. We are about to aterrizar"....
About the landing... tomorrow!
I wrote the above sentences on Facebook from an inspiration to Mari's Blog a few weeks ago (see links on the left). It was an attempt at humor. But the idea of the take off and land really has changed the way I start my tango. I am more prone to put on my safety belt (settle into the embrace) and see if my partner has her belt on too. If she is already putting on the drop-down oxygen bag, I have two options to consider: (1) Loosen up on my embrace a bit; (2) taxi back to the start of the runway and find some breath mints.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please take out the card from the back of your seat pocket, and read along.
The analogy now is the take off in a plane / the start of a tango / and foreplay. I pilot my plane early. I start to taxi on dance floor as other pilots are stalled talking to the tanguera who is about to board. So making the embrace secure can take more time without causing a crash into other pilots who are placticando.
The musician in me makes it hard for me to talk while the music is playing; so I am not much good at small talk after the music starts. Music distracts me and rebounds around in my cerebellum, impelling me to get moving, not talking. So I really have to think about making sure my partner is ready to move with me.
Loreen, a San Antonio tanguera, told me yesterday, "Do you realize that you are dancing before we even get on the floor?" I hadn't really thought about it. That's not my cabeceo, that is my head bobbing around as I am walking towards you to ask if you will go with me on a make-belief trip to Buenos Aires. I don't fly a plane in real life, but I am pilot actor on the dance floor.
"In a few moments the pilot will take of the seat belt sign":
On the other hand, I am not an actor with love making; I hope the same for you. Fortunately, I had a great first coach (my first girlfriend) in the "take off" phase of love making (close embrace, I might add). Foreplay is a better analogy for a tango start than a plane take-off. A take off in a plane is not as difficult as a landing. BUT foreplay and a good tango start are indeed essential for everything else that follows.
"Ladies and Gents, put your seats and tray tables in the upright position. We are about to aterrizar"....
About the landing... tomorrow!
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