Thursday, July 29, 2010

Wardrobe Failure during a Tanda!

Being a tango therapist has it's responsibilities.  Although all my tango therapy work is pro bono, I think I have found my true calling.  Here is my latest therapy session.  Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

"Dear Tango Therapist:  Recently I was at a milonga and a very good dancer from out of town did this twisty move that undid my bra.  I feel as if I am pretty liberal, but I was embarrassed and didn't really know what to do or say.  What would you suggest in such circumstances?

Very Lucy in Austin"

Dear Very Lucy:  I am not sure if I can help you with unlikely future events, but I will submit some solutions to Jay Leno in case he has a live broadcast from Buenos Aires in the future.

Here they are:  The  Best 10 things to say when one has a Wardrobe Failure during a tanda:

10. "I can't reach this; can you snap this back on gracefully during the next song?" [Don't use this idea during a milonga tanda.]

9. "Now I know what they mean by 'vertical expression of a horizontal desire.'"

8. "That was incredible work -- without any hands. Did you learn that at a practica?"

7. "I was glad to get that off my chest."

6. "I feel a draft; do you?"

5.  "We are so glad to have tangeros from out of town with new moves."

4. "This is a first for me. I hope you will remember me."

3. "Restrictions no longer apply."

2. "This reminds me of an old negro spiritual I used to sing in church, called 'Free at Last.'"

And the number 1 thing to say when a bra-strap pops open during a tanda [drum roll]:

1. "Would you call that move a bra-léo, señor?" [Said with a low, sultry voice.]

I am sure that comments will help with excellent ideas in such circumstances; so please leave a comment.


Elizabeth said...

This sounds like a great way to get teenage boys intereted in tango! What a skill for a young man to have.

Tango Therapist said...

@ Elizabeth: Good point! The usual entry level for the younger dancers is through open embrace and Tango Nuevo. Maybe moves such as the braléo will start a new Renaissance with close embrace among the younger generation (middle school and up). :-)

Anonymous said...

Tango Therapist: I've never had a bra "incident" but I have had the 'social-anxiety-nightmare-inducing' hem-of-skirt-tucked-into-waistband trauma (thankfully rescued quickly by another tanguera). Really, bathrooms need full length mirrors on the exit door just to check for that sort of thing. :D -- Mari

Tango Therapist said...

@ Mari: Luckily the agents for insurance companies (doctors) have just included "social-anxiety-nightmare-inducing hem-of-skirt-tucked-into-waistband trauma" in the Diagnostic Statistic Manual for Mental Disorders, and you can get your treatment paid for. However, the only known cure is a warm, close embrace while walking to the "compas de tango." Treatment tomorrow at La Milonga de Rogerio?

smw said...

I had a pair of tights that was causing my hemline to rise a bit more than would normally be acceptable...confident that the tights were keeping all within acceptable limits I simply tugged down the skirt back to midthigh in between songs. Unfortunately unknown to me and my partner the tights were defective and split, exposing some portion of my oh so very white arse to all and sundry. A very sweet woman rescued me by insisting that I accompany her to the restroom where she explained the issue. Apparently the tangueros who notice were too amused by the scenery to consider mentioning the issue.
No harm done in the overall scheme of things, but I did hear comments about it for a while from those who missed it but heard about it.

Tango Therapist said...

@SMW: Los tangueros were paralysed with awe -- sin duda. In Dallas not too long ago, a cortina included a salsa, and the cubana friend I was with was dancing up a storm with me. She realized that her tango dress was revealing too much on the fast spins. As we left the dance floor, a guy was standing there with a fire extinguisher, pretending to be putting her out. This and mumbling about purple panties confirmed her fears. She was NOT amused. But in ten years, I am sure she will laugh about it. I try to repress my laughter to avoid getting my eyes scratched out. :-)

Sam said...

#4 is my favorite :-)

Tango Therapist said...

@Sam: Number one was chosen by the tanguera who had the experience. But she had by far the best solution. She said she had to stretch her back, and reconnected her bra during her "stretch."